62 Zhu si gang er ma Road
Yuexiu District
Guangzhou, China


+86 020-37611101

CNY350 (c.USD55) for the set 5 course menu.  Including 3 bottles of Chilean red wine between 6 people (no judgment) – about CNY500 each (USD80), all-in

The deal:
A bunch of us from Hong Kong rolled into Guangzhou for the weekend, which puzzled almost 100% of everyone we told this to.  “Guangzhou??  What the fuck are you going to do there?” and we had a vague answer around a cycling tour on Saturday, potentially hiking a mountain on Sunday and yum cha on Monday. I’ll level with you – our planned mountain hike degenerated into:

  • A buffet breakfast at the Mandarin Oriental where we tried to order a bottle of bubbles, they were sold out and they suggested we try the SPUMANTE which resulted in my friend instantly handing back the menu firmly stating “Spumante is just no good” with her sunglasses hiding The Most Dismissive Look In The World;
  • Repeatedly trying to book a free flow Veuve Cliquot Champagne Sunday Roast at the Mandarin Oriental which despite the MO TV Channel declaring this as an available option, all we seemed to be able to confim was free flow Cloudy Bay Sparkling Wine (fuck no!!);
  • Buying numerous bottles of Moet from the nearest supermarket and feeling quite bad when the MO sent a heavily pregnant lady to bring us a big fuck off ice bucket;
  • Ordering a shit tonne of room service mojitos (MO Mojitos get a FUCK YEAH!);
  • Playing Deep Forest’s “Lullaby” and then Enigma’s “Return to Innocence” as I declared that this had been my planned “Reflective Top of the Mountain” jam;
  • Using Spotify to find karaoke versions of Les Miserable songs and then using The Lonely Planet’s Guangzhou Chinese History to create new lyrics for “I Dreamed a Dream”.

So after almost 10 hours of this “mountain hike” we poured ourselves into a cab and off to Wilber’s, a white three storey colonial style house which declares itself to be “The Best Little Foodhouse in Guangzhou”.  We’d already been given the heads up that Wilber’s was a LGBT friendly venue and if there was any doubt, we were led to a private room on the second floor which was covered entirely in quotes from Barbra Streisand musicals.  I just imagined HK Homies taking photos of this quote, instagramming and hashtagging it #sotrue #yousaidit #fuckyeahHK

Everybody ought to have a maid,
Everybody ought to have a serving-girl,
A loyal and unswerving girl,
Whose quieter than a mouse

– Stephen Sondheim

At Wilber’s it’s a five course set menu with a Starter / Soup / Pasta / Meat / Dessert sequence, which a choice of three for each one.  The menu was pretty fucking solid and there was a bit of inner turmoil as I decided between which course to get.  Given that we’d foregone any solid food after breakfast (except if you count the mint in the mojitos) we were beyond grateful for our handsome waiter who obligingly provided us with several serves of FUCK YEAH bread with butter and duck rilette. I ordered the mushroom vol au vent, the double boiled duck + foie gras soup, the oxtail raviolo (sold out of the Spaghetti Vongole), the rib eye with roasted bone marrow and then the lemon tart. The food itself was well presented, tasty and the waiters were well synchronised in ensuring that everyone’s meals came out at the same time. I fucking loved the rib eye with the bone marrow (ermagerd, I just want someone to give me a fuck tonne of roasted bone marrow and a loaf of bread so I can get seriously down and dirty without having to savour anything).  I gotta give a fuck no to the lemon and passionfruit tart though – just too sweet with too thick pastry.  I just can’t seem to get fuck yeah dessert courses anymore though.

Each course isn’t huge in size and I was getting concerned that I’d leave hungry – especially after my lone and solitary (though tasty) oxtail raviolo which was chilling out all on his own (just like Éponine from Les Miserable) on a big white plate.  However, given how rich some of the dishes were, it turned out to be good quantity wise and I avoided the very real daily danger I face of wasting away into a malnourished, translucent wisp of a thing.

Fuck yeah! Check it out when you’re in the GZ next.


Fuck yeah or fuck no?

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