fucking substandard cake Tag

Where:
Amò Restaurant
33 Hongkong Street
Singapore 059672

Phone:
+65 6723 7733, but fuck me, Singapore is in the #digitaldisruption future and you can book this shit instantly on Quandoo or Chope.  SEND ME A FAX HK AND WRITE ME A CHEQUE, I DON’T MISS YA PREHISTORIC WAYS.

Price:
Out at SGD90 each, including one drink.  Without booze, would estimate SGD60-70ish a person.

Fuck Naw to the Straw?
Unfortunately, Amo are still handing out FUCK NAW PLASTIC STRAWS.  So make sure you specify #fucknawtothestraw when you order

The deal:
Amò is your casual though trendy Italian joint on Hongkong Street, which opened mid-2017.  I’m into its interior with its blue-grey tiled walls, white tiled floor, dark wood, just enough well thought out lighting and fuck yeahhhh, tables that aren’t sitting on top of each other.  First thing I noticed though is that their waiters are completely and totally on their fucking shit.  FUCK YEAHHHHH it’s a relief because I find in Singapore, waiters are often very friendly and well intentioned but actually getting their attention practically requires you to trip them over because they have fuck all peripheral vision.  Our waiter homie is sorting us all out on drinks and spruiks some special negroni (SGD20++) that they’re doing with grapefruit juice instead and of course I’m here for it and fuckkk it’s A1 delicious.  Unfortunately, it’s also in Singapore which means I only have one to avoid bankrupting myself before I get to the food.

We tear through our ordering with his help and he asks whether we want it all at once or as it comes. To be honest, I’m not even sure why he bothered asking because Amo’s kitchen is Usain Bolt fast, our starters and mains flying to our table within minutes of our order.  The crispy calamari with sumac and sundried tomato aioli (SGD22+) is the first dish to hit our table and it’s so fucking good.  I fucking love it when my deep fried shit comes out fryer fresh, without a chance to cool down and get a bit sad under a heat lamp.  With its crispy AF batter and the tender squid, it’s a bang on way to start shit off.  I really wanted to get the zucchini flowers with mortadella, pistachio and lemon honey but fuck, at SGD25++ for a scant two flowers, no way I could justify dropping SGD50++ to feed our table of four, a zucchini flower each.

Unfortunately, our other starter of the burrata with eggplant salad, walnuts and bottarga (SGD28++) was firmly in the fuck no camp.  You know how sometimes you see something on a menu and you think “Wow, I’ve never had that before”.  That was me with this dish, wondering why burrata would forsake his normal eternal life partner, the tomato.  So I’m riding the new combo frontier and it’s a bite of only ok burrata with a mushy mess of eggplant that has some lumps in it which you assume is bottarga (cured fish roe) and you’re all, “Yeah, I get why you guys aren’t really a thing”.  

taylor-never-ever

Lucky we get to quickly move past this low point with the bone marrow, wild garlic pesto and anchovy salsa verde pizza (SGD32++).  Amo pride itself on its naturally leavened pizza bases, made with semolina and extra virgin olive oil and rightly so, because their pizza base was a major fuck yeah.   Fantastic bite through, not too thick or too pathetically thin, it’s got a bit of char on it and they haven’t scrimped on the toppings.  There’s nothing sadder than a pizza where the restaurant decides it’s perfectly ok to allocate one piece of salami per quarter or something equally fucking miserly.  The bone marrow has been cooked well so it’s not just a fatty, gross lump and fuck me, the wild garlic pesto is just fucking great in its sharp garlic and bright basil flavours. TL:DR:  PIZZA GOOD, GET IN HOMIES.

You all know what life I’m all about and yasssss, carb life, pasta life is truly my best life.  I hesitated on ordering the caserecce with black pepper, guanciale and saffron (SGD27++) because these simple pasta dishes can be so super fucking dud if any one component of the dish is fucked up.  Regardless, Mr Vegetables was all “I don’t know two of those words in that dish but let’s get it”, which is the exact sort of attitude I require from my dining homies.  My hestitations were unfounded though because this was O M F G best carb times for sure.  Caserecce is a free form, slightly twisted pasta which means all the more surface area for the fuck yeah olive oil, cheese, rendered down fat from the guanciale (cured pork cheek) to adhere to.  Topped with a little bit of freshly ground black pepper and crispy bits of guanciale, this was my fuck yeah winner winner best in show dinner dish of the night.

fightclubstopbeingperfect

The fettuccine with beef shank, mushrooms and orange salmoriglio (SGD28++) also made my heart go boom boom for fuck yeah carbs with the tangy orange salmoriglio sauce playing nicely against the smokiness of the beef shank and mushrooms.  Some of my dining homies declared this to be their favourite pasta of the night.  Either way you swing, both pastas at Amo were definitely not a waste of your fuck yeah carb quota.

The black cod with crab cioppino (fish stew) and fregola (SGD38++) was also fucking delicious.  Two pieces of perfectly cooked black cod are served on a bed of fregola (a spherical pasta, similar to Israeli couscous), cooked into a big bodied crab cioppino stew.  Every component on this dish was a fuck yeah, which meant that we scraped this dish clean.  We also had a side of baby gem lettuce with crispy pancetta and anchovy sauce (SGD12++) in that token attempt to try and get some, sigh, greens in our life.  Don’t bother making the same #newyearnewme choices my FYN homies cause this was such a dud side.  Like why do I want to eat quartered tiny lettuces that have been drenched in what feels like mayonnaise (it’s the anchovy sauce).  It just felt like a caesar salad trying to go posh and overall just became an exercise in FUCKING WHY.  I was just all, hey gem lettuce dish thing why are you even trying?  Why are you even a thing??  Why am I not eating more delicious and more well thought out pasta instead??

right-thing

For dessert, there’s one of my all time fuck yeah Italian pud puds, the Tiramisú (SGD18++).  It looks like it’s gonna be a winner, chilling out in its fancy ass glass bowl with chocolate curls grated looking all classy and shiz.  Unfortunately, it’s ratios are all over the fucking place like the reliability of the Singapore trains and there’s just too much cream interspersed with some soggy bits of liqueur soaked sponge.  I’m sure Amò weren’t going for this but it just reminded me of when your bread crusts fall into the sink and get all waterlogged and puffy in the drain.  Our table thought the almond cake with strawberries, lemon honey and vincotto (cooked wine) (SGD15++) sounded like it was going to kick some goals but instead it just kicked us in the face by being a massive dud.  It’s this dense cake, dusted with bits of toasted nuts which doesn’t really show case anything good at all.

Fuck, it’s honestly getting to the point with restaurants and sub-standard desserts that I feel like I need to specifically ask to talk to the chef, look him or her dead in the eye to determine their commitment to pud and say “Chef Homie, level with me – I know you’re not a pastry chef and this isn’t probably your jam but are you or are you not dialling in your dessert menu?  Cause I’m not here to dish out SGD15++ for some cake that you’ve thrown on there just because you had to have something in the sweets section”.  I JUST CAN’T FACE ANYMORE SUB-STANDARD END OF MEAL CAKE:

grumpy-cat-cake

So some dud points but overall, carb life is the best life and dude, Amo romps it all the way home in the pizza and pasta stakes.

Verdict:
Fuck yeah!!! But don’t waste your time on dessert, double TRIPLE down on carbs.

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