Sichuan House

Sichuan House

Where:
Sichuan House
7/F, M88
2 Wellington Street,
Central (kinda LKF?), Hong Kong

Phone:
+852 2521 6699

Price:
Set lunch is around HKD150 (excluding 10% service charge), and certain dishes require +HKD30.  We got out at HKD200 each.

The deal:
I fucking love Sichuan food in all its blow your fucking face off glory – but too often in Hong Kong, Sichuan restaurants are too afraid to amp up the goddamn spice.  Maybe it’s because the Southern Chinese Guangdong HK palate is not really down with the spice so if you want to avoid alienating the bulk of the eating population here, it makes good economic sense not to set all of your dishes to Burn This Motherfucker DOWN levels.  We set off for lunch and conducted due diligence on the invitees to ensure that attendees were suitably skilled.  It wasn’t a fucking hard due diligence though – “Do you have a connection to Singapore / Malaysia / India / Northern China?” tends to do most of the heavy lifting.  Despite the DD to ensure that no weak-sauce “I can’t eat very spicy” homies came along, one managed to slip through which meant that for the sake of politeness, we couldn’t ask Sichuan House to really show us what they’ve got in the hot hot hot stakes.  The Sichuan House set lunch is a pretty fuck yeah value proposition with an appetiser, main dish, side of carbs (rice or a steamed or deep fried bun) + dessert for around HKD150.

Sichuan House had lots of fuck yeah detailed touches to its meal including having fucking awesome free ‘banchan’ (ummmm, yeah I know that’s the Korean word for small dishes served at the start of the meal – I don’t fucking know what they call it in Sichuan/Chinese – fill me in like a Craig David song if you do) which included candied cashews, the standard Sichuan marinated cucumber salad and some tasty braised beans and I haven’t seen this handed out for free before – Eight Treasure Tea. This is Chinese Tea mixed with eight healthful as fuck ingredients (including chrysanthemum petals, goji berries, Chinese red dates, ginseng and orange peel).  If you want to sound like you knew what the fuck you were talking about just swirl your teacup around, look pensively for any ingredient you recognise (hot tip, the red goji berry should be easy for you) and confidently declare that it’s good for circulation, liver function or eye sight.  No one’s going to fucking know any better, I promise.

For the appetiser I went for the cold noodles with chilli which carried a five out of five chilli signal.  While initially it seemed innocuous enough, it wasn’t my first time at the Sichuan rodeo and I knew it was going to be a creeper and by the end I had broken into a mild sweat from this fiery, though delicately textured dish.  The mains for the lunch set weren’t the hottest Sichuan dishes I’d ever had – I didn’t get to taste the sun but to be fair, on the day we went the main options only seemed to range up to  three chillies out of five.  The chilli fried chicken was a fuck yeah and didn’t lame out on the protein by pulling that Sichuan restaurant trick of including 10 million fried chillies and hiding three tiny fucking fried pieces of chicken amongst it.  There were various other meats cooked with chilli and the deep fried yellow croaker fish with salt, pepper and chilli powder dusted on top was really fucking working for me too. Only one dish was a bit lame – the tofu in soup with shrimp.  Upon reflection, I’m not even sure why we ordered it because it sounds boring as fuck so I’m not sure why we’re surprised.  The ma po tofu we ordered a la carte was far more interesting.  You also get to pick carbs – rice or steamed/fried buns to accompany your meal and I just have all the fucking love for the high IDGAF factor that the Chinese not only eat nutritionally empty white bread, they then deep fry it and serve it with a side of sweet condensed milk.  Take that shit and put it in your low GI pipe and smoke it.

Dessert was a sweetened cashew soup which I was fearing the worse for because those Chinese dessert soups can be a fuck no moment because frankly, they feel a bit half assed sometimes.  What, you ground up some sort of a grain / bean / seed and then added a shit tonne of sugar, heated it up and you’re claiming it’s a dessert??  R U fucking serious?!  But I actually finished Sichuan House’s sweet cashew soup instead of my usual modus operandi of choking down two cloying, grainy spoonfuls to appear polite before abandoning some soupy sweet nightmare amongst claims of being “just so full“.  Dramatic patting of belly and heavy breathing are optional, though recommended theatrical gestures.

Sichuan House lunch set was exactly what I imagine HK lunch sets are meant to do – introduce the restaurant’s signature dishes to you at an affordable price point which means you’ll try them for dinner.  So have a gold star Sichaun House cause next time, I’m going to roll in for your dinner menu, undertake more unforgiving due diligence on which friends are invited and then pump the jam, pump it up – Sichuan House you better turn up the goddamn spice.

Verdict:
Fuck yeah!

No Comments

Fuck yeah or fuck no?

%d bloggers like this: