Fuck Yeah Noms’ Hipster HK Food Trend Generator

Fuck Yeah Noms’ Hipster HK Food Trend Generator

Fuck yeahhhhh, it’s Clockenflap festival time soon. Imma gonna watch the fuck out of The Flaming Lips. But honestly, I can’t think of any better use of my time than to spend an entire weekend watching one day’s worth of headliners over THREE FUCKING DAYS.

clockenflap

I mean seriously, even Coachella manages to get their fucking shit done in FOUR DAYS. But we all know what Clockenflap in HK means – testing ground for some of the most groundbreaking hip food shiz. Yeah, you know the progression to make it in the hipster HK scene:

  1. Make some shit for your friends, wait for them to tell you that you should totally throw in your finance job and you should make your fusion shit for the whole of HK.  Yeah, it’s always been your dream to be a chef, hasn’t it? Time to find some meaning in life outside of your cubicle.
  2. Progress to the Island East Markets or maybe that super shithouse tiny “artisinal” alleyway market in Tai Hang that has three different shops selling sad ass ‘organic’ vegetable$, overpriced honey and Tai Tai Pie Pies. More like Tai Tai Why Why does everyone like those bank breaking bland ass pies so much?
  3. Bring yo shit to Clockenflap so people in Raybans can get stung for your hipster food for ants charged at fun festival prices over THREE FUCKING DAYS.
  4. Then, it’s almost graduation time – go hang at PMQ for a bit for a pop up store next to some bullshit jewellery shop (yes, I’d fucking love to pay HKD210 for a bracelet you bought in Mong Kok and you’ve repurposed it with a big fucking price tag with good typography and really fucking cute stripey twine – YEAH, I’M BRINGING ARTISINAL BACK MOTHERFUCKERS)
  5. BOOM MOTHERFUCKERS, it’s time to negotiate that lease in Sheung Wan or Sai Yin Pun and lock dat shit down with the lifestyle blogs and give some free food out to some friendly bloggers who will write some good press for you and give you a cheeky reach around for a couple of tacos and some cocktails.  Upload your super shitty website with 0% useful information on it, dust off the retro glassware, hold down your waitstaff and tattoo wonky stars onto their wrists, don’t take any reservations, put up your “SOFT OPENING” excuses sign and SHIT SON, YOU ARE NOW COOKING WITH GODDAMN, BONAFIDE HIPSTER GAS.

So for those of you who haven’t got your shit together to devise your amazing, contemporary fusion hipster fuck yeah food for Clockenflap next weekend, don’t fucking fear – Fuck Yeah Noms has been hard at work (lolz, not really) creating the FUCK YEAH NOMS’ HIPSTER HONG KONG FOOD TREND GENERATOR. You too can own your very own on point street food inspired fusion joint sooner than you can say “LITTLE BAO, BRICKHOUSE, YARDBIRD” three times, really fucking fast. Yeahhhhh, balee dat – shit’s about to go down in hipster food town.















Go forth and conquer my hipster homies, I’m gonna call my pop-up stall / restaurant “Anyong, Assholes!”. Let me know what your hipster combo is gonna be in the comments below.

4 Comments
  • Hoolio
    Posted at 00:33h, 22 November Reply

    How the fuck can I grow a beard in 6 days eating this sit?

    • Sgt Noms
      Posted at 08:42h, 22 November Reply

      You’re fucked matey but you’ve still got time to get a bunch of shitty tattoos

  • waterfallsandcaribous
    Posted at 19:59h, 24 November Reply

    You’re hired as our consultant. Kahamsamnida, Asshole!

    • Sgt Noms
      Posted at 09:26h, 29 November Reply

      you definitely need chicken skin crisps for your hipster Korean joint.

Fuck yeah or fuck no?

%d bloggers like this: