Foxtail & Broomcorn

Foxtail & Broomcorn

Foxtail & Broomcorn (zomg, I’m not sure this even qualifies as a website…I sure hope no one was paid to do this.  If so, call me, I’ll draft up a website for you using a single post-it note for half the price)
84 Jervois Street
Sheung Wan, Hong Kong

+852 2415-2555 (no reservations).

Noodles are around HKD78 – 88 each, service charge is not automatically applied.  Noodles + a few side dishes, I got out at around HKD150, including tip.

The deal:
The press around Foxtail & Broomcorn states that it’s been named after the two earliest grains used to make noodles.  That is, my fucking nemesis – MILLET.  I fucking hate millet, a few years ago I went on this gluten-free / non-wheat grain bender (shit yeah, I was livin’ la vida loca) and was stopping in at health food shops and buying random packets of ancient whole grains and while a lot of them were fine (farro, quinoa, spelt, buckwheat), I will never forget the sheer horror of millet.  People have been whispering that millet’s going to take on Quinoa for the hip as fuck grain-like non-grain crown (via The Weekly Chow) but fuck that millet shit to hell.  FUN FACT:  While millet is gluten free, it contains goitrogens which can supress thyroid activity and result in you having a GOITER – so just say no to fuck no millet, if you want to kept that gazelle goiter-free neck of yours.

Despite its namesake, Foxtail & Broomcorn thankfully doesn’t appear to actually have any fucking millet on the menu.  It’s a small noodle joint with only 28 seats and it’s decor is fresh as fuck.  Get ready, cause you’re about to see this shit instagrammed and posted all over your Facebook. White walls, grey ashy wooden floors, white + grey marble counters and dem contrasting Persian Green Tolix steel high chairs (check the pics out at The Wanderlister). Foxtail & Broomcorn has been open for less than a week and shit’s already busy for them.  I note that my homie who recommended that I check it out has already managed to smash his way through four of the eight different noodle options in the ONE week that this joint has been open.

The owner, Victor Arminjon, is on hand and is doing a fuck yeah job of explaining his restaurant and the menu.  More importantly, the menu reads like a fuck yeah dream and I desperately wanted all of those noodles in my life with noodles riffing on Japan, Taiwan, Vietnam, Malaysia and China.  All the bowls of noodles at the other tables looked like serious fuck yeah times and the menu promised fresh, wholesome Asian noodles, incorporating European techniques, no MSG and where possible sourcing ingredients from the local Sheung Wan markets. I just fucking love that most expats freak the fuck out about buying meat from the wet market to cook at home, but when a trendy restaurant uses clean typography and explains it as “sourcing ingredients locally fresh from the market”, shit’s A-OK for them (refer also:  Serge et le Phoque, Ho Lee Fook).

I ordered the Gurney (a Singaporean/Malaysian Har Mee – a mix of rice vermicelli/yellow Hokkien noodles in a pork/prawn broth with sambal pulled pork and prawns) after quizzing Victor what his favourite was.  Shit lived up to its appearance and the Gurney was fucking off the hook – it’s been so fucking long since I’ve had a proper har mee in HK, when they’ve gone to the effort of boiling down prawn heads and pork bones to make a thick as fuck soup stock which sticks to the spoon and the noodles.  There’s just enough prawns and pork, but really that’s just keeping shit authentic – because those Singaporean/Malaysian hawkers are never generous with their ingredients.  At least Foxtail & Broomcorn didn’t slice their prawns into two, which true tight ass Singaporean/Hawkers believe is a sufficient optical illusion which will trick a customer into thinking there’s double the amount of prawns than what there really is. The Tokyo ramen was also fucking sensational, with bitey ramen noodles, mushrooms, slow cooked harissa beef ribs (48 hours, yo) and a barely cooked egg in chicken broth. Fuck yeah to labour intensive soup stocks which have been boiled for fucking ever and don’t rely on MSG to amp up their flavours.  It honestly felt so healthful and we totalllly slurped our flavourful noodles up with sooo much glee – nah, I’m fucking kidding with that phrase, if I ever seriously use the word SLURP in a review, especially in reference to eating a bowl of noodles, you all have my permission to come and punch me straight in my goddamn larynx.

We ordered some sides too – a hot as fuck spicy pulled pork and cucumber dish at HKD35 and an Asian style almond coated chicken breast salad (cucumber, green mango, fresh mango).  Shit was pretty tight but I just can’t fucking get behind chicken breast.  I get it though, because Foxtail & Broomcorn is going for that whole healthy, wholesome angle – and nothing feels more wholesome than some lean, boring ass dried out chicken breast.  The masses / white folk will love dat chicken breast though.

Service was a bit lumpy but nothing catastrophic – certainly nothing that was unexpected given that they haven’t even been open for a week.  There was also a few menu items which aren’t available yet (ie. virgin mojitos) but the most crushing fuck no point of my Foxtail & Broomcorn experience was that I was fucking amped to see that they had the rarely sighted in HK, kueh dadar (a Nyonyar dessert from Malaysia which consists of a pandan flavoured crepe, wrapped around a filling of shredded coconut and palm sugar) on their dessert menu and when I went to order one after the fuck yeah noodle times, they didn’t have any.  TOO FUCKING SAD, FOXTAIL – Y U TEASE ME LIKE DAT.

So my FYN prediction is that this place is going to be hot as fuck and it’s super tiny, so expect big lines soon.  Get yo ass into Foxtail & Broomcorn ASAP so you can have obnoxious food wanker first mover advantage points when you’re telling people that you just tried this super cute place in Sheung Wan.

FUCK YEAH for clean, well flavoured noodle times.  I need to fucking work my way through their other noodles ASAP before there’s too much of a goddamn line.

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