One of my best friends had a word document on her laptop called forbidden.doc.  Of course, I did the obvious thing and opened it without asking her.  When I did, it was a series of words that she had decided with her brother were awful and they should never be used.  It included words like munch, paste, moist, pie, cream and the name Craig. I then tried to devise the most offensive sentence for her which consisted of ‘Would you like to munch down on some moist muff cream pie?” and she was suitably horrified and her brother accused me of just wanting to watch the world burn.  I could start a similar word document for FYN, but it doesn’t give me the opportunity for adulation and potential for free meals that writing this publicly on the Internet could.

Let’s face it though, don’t know if I’m going to be snacking down on complimentary meals too often with this curmudgeonly attitude.

More words to add to the FORBIDDEN list (in addition to ‘Welcoming Crunch‘:

  • Even worse than ‘foodie’ – a ‘self confessed foodie’
  • Food orgasm – was your food having an orgasm or were you literally having an orgasm?  Do you realise how embarassing you sound?
  • Down-to-earth
  • People who ‘delve’ into a dish
  • Flavours that shine through – unless flavours were truly incandescent, not acceptable
  • Tempting
  • ‘Worth every penny’ – maybe acceptable if you live in a country which still uses pennies.  Maybe.  Probably not.
  • To anyone, EVER using the word ‘unctuous’ as a positive thing – have you looked up what this definition means? Why are your egg yolks always so damn unctuous?
    1. (of a person) Excessively or ingratiatingly flattering; oily: “anxious to please in an unctuous way”.
    2. (chiefly of minerals) Having a greasy or soapy feel


FYI – just had my blood pressure checked and it was low.  Who knew that being this angry could have so many health benefits?

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