Kennedy Town

Where:
11 Westside
1/F, The Hudson, 11 Davis Street
Kennedy Town, Hong Kong

FYN Hot Tip:  The entrance is not immediately apparent nor marked – so you kinda have to duck around and go up a set of stairs.

Phone:
I dunno, I couldn’t see it on their FB page and they don’t have a website.  Like, if you can’t be bothered to put it on your own fucking FB page, why should I bother looking it up?  Largely no reservations anyway.

Price:
I got out at about HKD300 (including 10% service charge), no alcohol.  I had some snacks BEFORE dinner somewhere else and I definitely could have eaten more.  I’d estimate spending around HKD400-600 on food before drinks.

The deal:
The press got all revved up in April that Chef Esdras Ochoa, a real MEXICAN who is behind being the Sonoran MEXICAN restaurant, Salazar, in Los Angeles had booked himself a one way ticket to Hong Kong to open 11 Westside, his first project in Asia which was aimed at bringing real MEXICALI food to Hong Kong in Kennedy Town. I understand that it’s the HK based, Mexican Luis Porras from the Epicurean Group who is behind this 11 Westside jaunt, who are also “famed” for their other HK Mexican restaurant, AGAVE Tequila Y Comida in Wan Chai on Lockhart Road.  I’ve also done some additional sleuthing to try and figure out whether Chef Ochoa has since bought another one way ticket out of HK, as is the standard modus operandi for these chefs who set up shit in HK before fucking right off again but I haven’t been able to find anything conclusive so it’s entirely possible the Taco King of LA is still kicking about Kennedy Town and doing his MEXICAN thing.  So I guess Chef Ochoa is still FILTH – Failed in Flown in from LA, Trying HK?

read-you-to-filth

Predictably, 11 Westside is a no reservations joint.  Currently, they only take reservations if you book out at least half of the restaurant and seeing as it seats around 120, this is going to be as 0% helpful for most people.  But seeing as these guys have got a hour plus wait to get a table anyway, I get why they’ve given the big fuck you to taking reservations and will instead direct you to a terrace area where you can chill out and get some drinks while you wait.  A lot’s been said about their decor with most people liking it.  Those fringed chandeliers and slick black surfaces sure are distracting and might trick you into thinking it’s a cool place but I just couldn’t get past this weird Mediterranean Grecian thing that they’ve got going on, with these arches and cherub mural situated behind the bar.  How does this happen?  Do you walk into discussions with your interior designer and he’s all “So what’s the story?” and you say “We’re thinking LA, Mexican, taqueria, you know, the usual shit about ~taking references from Asia and paying homage to local ingredients~, green spaces and sexy tequila nights” and your interior designer quizzically looks up from his sketch pad through a cloud of one hell of a hangover and wearily goes “Look, my geography isn’t real red hot but is Mexico in Europe?  Is it kinda like Spain but in the Mediterranean? Do you know how much I love murals with cherubs on them with some fake ass vines and shit to make it feel like you’re one step away from a vineyard? Don’t worry, I’m also gonna put some potato peelers and kitchen utensils on the wall in picture frames cause ~paying homage to local ingredients~ amirite?” before chugging back on alka-seltzer tinged with regret as he puts his shades back on to try and shield his eyes from the indignity of still being conscious when the sun’s still up.

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When we rocked up we were told to expect an hour wait, but we were lucky and got a table within 15 minutes.  I’ve heard mixed things about the staff and service at 11 Westside but I’ve got no complaints.  The front desk girls were quite lovely, even if they couldn’t seat us immediately, and our waiter was fucking excellent and completely on his shit, all night long.

It’s a concise menu, split into GSC (Gucamole Salsa Chips), Appetizers, Tacos, Entree and dessert.  There’s been much chat about the price tag on 11 Westside’s HKD150 guacamole that consists of two avocados, red onion, cilantro and chilli which is mashed up table side for you.  Let’s just rewind on that fact for a second – it’s actually HKD150 + 10% service charge for guacamole.  That’s right, USD21 for guacamole and chips.  OR if you think about what went down for us, we ordered the GSC (Guacamole Salsa Chips) with an extra serve of chips and that’s HKD180 + HKD10 (+10% service charge ) = HKD209 / USD 27 for fucking chips, guacamole and salsa!!!!!!  FUCK MEEEE, I know HK rents are expensive and all but still.  I gotta draw the line somewhere and the line is drawn here, ESPECIALLY when the guacamole needed more salt and lime to bring some brightness and acidity, and the salsa was bland as fuck.  Apparently Ochoa makes his salsa that way because HK people can’t handle spicy shit (not that anyone asked).  I know some people in HK are ok with this new price point (!!) which just proves HK makes you go fucking insane.  GUISE, CUT IT THE FUCK OUT, USD27 for chips, mediocre guacamole and super average salsa just because they smash the avocados at your table is NOT OK.

cutit

The Carne Asada Fries (HKD118 + 10% service charge) are fucking great but really, how hard can it be to fuck up mixing grilled USDA prime shortrib, melting some cheese all over it and adding jalapeno, queso fresco sauce, chiptole mayo, onion and cilantro?  This is hardly complicated culinary shit to execute cause deep fried potatoes, meat and cheese is always gonna be a fuck yeah winner.  Less successful is the Stingray Flautus (HKD78 + 10% service charge) which is a rolled up tortilla that allegedly contains stingray but honestly it could have been any sort of mystery meat.  It was fine to eat, in the way that you eat a deep fried spring roll and it doesn’t really matter what’s inside because it’s deep fried and salty.  But after all the banging on about the inspiration behind 11 Westside, who really gives a fuck about what influences you’ve taken on to make a dish if you can’t even tell what meat is inside of it?

The 11 Westside menu lists five tacos, the Al Pastor, Pollo Asado, Carne Asada, Caulifornia Veggie and the Chef Ochoa Special.  11 Westside makes their own flour tortillas which means there’s a chorus of people going “Bitch, where my fucking corn tortillas at?” and I’ve been told because Chef Oschoa is going for a LA feel where flour tortillas are the go to.  I’m neither Mexican nor from Los Angeles so I dunno what is the truth.  I checked in with one of my friends from California and she reckoned this was bullshit, given she found corn and flour tortillas all over LA as well. 

I went for the Al Pastor and the Chef Ochoa special, which was some sort of pork belly taco (HKD50 + 10% service charge per taco).  The Al Pastor uses pineapple roasted pork with auchiote (a red-yellow spice with a mild peppery flavour), topped with that infamou$ guacamole, salsa molcajete and fresh pineapple. It’s got a good fresh balance going on with the slight char of the roasted pork and the fresh, clean flavours of the pineapple.  I judiciously ensure I eat every last bit of guacamole because I’m not one to leave money on the table.  I’m also super into the flour tortillas, flaky and grilled so they’re a bit crisp on the outside but still soft when you bite through.

However, the pork belly taco is a major fucking flop.  The skin and fat is just chilling out in there as greasy, chewy lumps.  There might have been other things happening in it which I’ve completely forgotten about because all I can remember is hitting a bit of flaccid rind and chewing on that, as my back molars were getting all gummed up and for HKD50+ for a few bites, I am not here for that. 

11 Westside tacos are most definitely tacos for ants and at HKD50+, shit is gonna get expensive real quick if you intend to find satiety on these tiny-ass bites.  In a FYN exclusive, I have secured some honest to God real life footage of the 11 Westside kitchen making HKD50+ tacos:

tinytacos

There’s only two main dishes on the menu and we went with the USDA Hanger Prime Steak (HKD268 +10% service charge). It’s served with more salsa, grilled vegetables and a stack of grilled flour tortillas on the side.  It’s all, straight down the line fine.  Sure, the steak is delicious enough but after eating various variations of all of these components in other dishes, I just can’t get too fucking excited about rolling some meat in a flour tortilla and thinking it’s that different to the tacos I’ve already eaten in flour tortillas with the same salsa, or the salsa that was already with the chips and the beef that was already on the carne asada fries.  Ultimately, this dish just felt like a derivative of everything else I’d already eaten that evening.

So the food at 11 Westside isn’t a terrible car crash – as in, it’s all very edible except for a few low points like that gross AF pork belly taco.  But more importantly, there’s nothing about this restaurant that makes it memorable or food which will show you something new or interesting (unless seeing an avocado getting mashed up by your table is really that revolutionary for you).  For all the horn blowing about bringing REAL MEXICAN to Hong Kong with the REAL MEXICAN chef, I just don’t know how anyone would get it stiff for this place.  From the no reservations policy and the waiting period, the weird Grecian style interiors and then fuck, the sky high price points for guacamole and minuscule tacos.  But then you read other HK reviews which are like:

11westside

And all I gotta say is, oh HK food writers, Y U so easily impressed??

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Verdict:
HK, if something like this is enough to qualify as one of the hottest openings of 2017, you really gotta check yourself before you really wreck yourself. A snoozey, lack lustre fuck no.

Where:
Little Creatures Hong Kong
Shop 1, G/F, New Fortune House
2-5A New Praya
Kennedy Town, Hong Kong

Phone:
+852 2833 5611 (you better book that shit too, cause these fucks are popular)

Price:
This was the second meal of our night, so the per person cost isn’t as large as normal, around HKD110 a person (including service charge) without booze.  Large plates seem to range from around HKD100 – 150 each (+10% service charge), with most small plates under HKD100.

The deal:
After rampaging through fuck no disappointment town at The Ribcage, we pushed grimly onto a second bang bang dinner down the road at the microbrewery, Little Creatures Hong Kong. For those people who possess self control and don’t know what a bang bang is, it’s when you complete two meals in one session. Little Creatures is an import from Fremantle in Western Australia, but of course if you’re any true blue Aussie Cunt (technical term) worth your Vegemite, you’d know that you say it correctly as ‘Freo’.  The former sugar and flour mill in Kennedy Town has been decked out to try and capture that carefree port side feeling of the Little Creatures in Freo with its high ceilings, recycled wood, airy interiors and cute purposefully retro posters blending Australia and HK references. My lungs are almost gleefully sucking down that clean Australian air just by thinking about it. It’s also really fucking huge by Hong Kong standards with a fucktonne of tables.  Despite the ample seats, we still had a wait ahead of us because we were bang bang dinner refugees without a booking and by the time we arrive at Little Creatures HK at around 8:30pm on a Friday night, it’s totally rammed with people and a long list of reservations.  The hostess is totally on her shit though, assuring us in a comforting Strayan strine that she’ll try and seat us as soon as possible.  She might even have called me darl, which went some way to calming my harried nerves. We dull our Ribcage related pain by getting involved in some Little Creatures Pale Ale, IPA and cider, as we stand around awkwardly at the limited bar space for a very reasonable twenty minutes before we’re shown to our table.

The Little Creatures HK menu is split into Sharing Plates, Small Plates, Greens Breads and Buns, Pizza, Pasta & Rice and Cheese.  We start with the Crispy Chicken (HKD125 +10% service charge) with pineapple sauce.  I’m sceptical from the start because I just don’t jive with sweet fruit and savoury meat as a general rule but in reality, the sauce isn’t as sickly sweet and offensive as I’d imagined it was going to be.  While the chicken itself is well fried, crispy as fuck on the outside and avoiding the common fate of being a dried out mess inside, it’s unfortunately underseasoned which means it relies on the pineapple sauce to bring the flavour (not that it particularly pops with any strong pineapple flavour). Luckily, I’m able to season my bland though well-fried chicken with the salty tears that I shed when I try the cliched Hand Cut Frites with truffle mayo (HK75 +10% service charge) which are just like my summer body dreams – pale, flabby and definitely full of carbs.

Next up is the Mac and Cheese (HKD75 +10% service charge), which is billed as being topped with truffle and a herb crust.  Little Creatures HK, Y SO MUCH TRUFFLE?  Shit sounds soooo fucking fancy doesn’t it?  The Mac and Cheese isn’t anything more than a creamy, herb sauce with macaroni in it and it’s as unsatisfying as a Typhoon 8 signal which gets lowered before 6am on a Friday. FFS Little Creatures HK, it’s fucking melted cheese with carbs, how fucking hard is it to get a mac and cheese right??  Did you even try?!  RETURN OF THE LITTLE CREATURES MAC, YOU LIED TO ME, YES I CRIED, YES I CRIED.

ninagarciawherewastheeffort

The Pizza menu is an exercise in minimalism with titles such as Herbs, Corn, Kale and Sausage.  I wince at the nomenclature awkwardness of having to order a ‘Herbs Pizza’ and I obviously stay well clear of the ‘Kale Pizza’ because that sort of pizza bullshit seems to be targetted at half-hearted clean eating urban warriors who punch out some BikiniFit in the morning because #strongisthenewskinny before barrelling into six strawberry daiquiris at Feather Boa with their best white friends.  The Sausage pizza (HKD125 +10% service charge) is topped with bacon, fennel, sage and provolone which all sounds good in theory but when it is presented at our table I start to wonder what kind of Home Economics high school kitchen is now responsible for the food at Little Creatures HK.  The base is cardboard like in texture and appearance, you can almost imagine it being ripped out of a pre-made base box half a week ago to allow it to truly dry out before the recalcitrant, moody adolescent fingers of high school students smeared tomato paste across it and indolently topped it with pre-prepared chopped pieces of bacon and shredded cheese.  It’s horrific on all levels from the dried out base and the sloppy toppings which almost slide off in one piece to the complete lack of flavour.  I take several bites of this ‘pizza’ abomination just to really make sure this is the most soulless and flavourless pizza I’ve ever come across in Hong Kong and as I choke it back, there is no doubt in my mind that I’m completely right.  I chew slowly and deliberately, as I sort through the vague memories I have of someone telling me the pizzas are good at Little Creatures HK. Unfortunately, I can’t place which tasteless moron or press release gave me this bullshit information which is a shame because I’d be furiously texting them my views on how they are completely devoid of any knowledge as to what actually constitutes a good pizza.

howaboutnobear

We debate whether to give Little Creatures the chance to wow us on dessert because LBR, we’re not expecting any show stoppers at this point.  As we’re greedy cunts who love a bit of pud pud, we order the Cider Green Apple Nut Crumble with whipped mascarpone (HKD75 +10% service charge).  It sounds pretty fucking fancy but in reality it’s just a straightforward apple crumble with a scoop of ice cream which might have mascarpone in it, but if you’d never told me about it, I’d never taste it.  I’m now convinced that the Little Creatures HK menu has been designed to be cooked by a small child chef who’s using a cookbook with cartoon illustrations and warnings that you should get an adult when you’re boiling water or taking things out of the oven.  The apple crumble was the only well executed dish of the night and we take the time to reflect upon our entire bang bang evening where we’ve battled through two fuck no meals, the fuck no coleslaw and average to terrible ribs at The Ribcage and now we’ve let Little Creatures HK well and truly lead us down the garden path to a fuck no flower field filled with Mediocrity Marigolds, Gauche Gladiolis and Banal Begonias.

bojackmanregrettablelifechoices

So the food at Little Creatures HK, excluding that godawful sausage pizza, is absolutely edible.  I can’t imagine that was written in their vision statement of what they wanted their food to be amongst the artist’s sketching of their restaurant decor.  But it really is the sort of meal that if you painted black with white stripes, people would walk all over it because it’s just so fucking pedestrian.  Every dish we ordered had some sort of execution issue (ok, except for the apple crumble – but how fucking hard is it to make a crumble?) which suggests that the kitchen isn’t tasting their food for seasoning, giving a fuck if it’s cooked properly or their management is dictating a super uninspiring, bland as fuck menu which is meant to appeal to the undiscerning masses. Judging by how many people were packed into Little Creatures HK, perhaps there’s something to be said re: economic viability and appealing to the undi$cerning ma$$es.

But real talk, it looks like Little Creatures managed to keep their shit authentic in Hong Kong because Little Creatures in Freo has basic as fuck food as well.  Take my burn Little Creatures because fuck no to the faithful copying of boring, uninspired concepts and shipping it straight across the Indian Ocean so the suffering of uninspired and poorly executed food can be truly global.

burn-gif

Verdict:
FUCK NO.  However if you’re an absolutely bottom of the barrel basic and enjoy shit like Castelo Concept restaurants, drinking rosé, thinking you’re living wild in real Hong Kong because you live in Sai Ying Pun or Kennedy Town, going to the Happy Valley races on a Wednesday, love ‘your girls’ or nights out with the rugby lads, Little Creatures HK might be your newest, favourite spot in Hong Kong.

Where:
Catch on Catchick (O M G, website is actually useful and the menu is almost up to date.  PRAISE BE)
G/f 93 Catchick St
Kennedy Town, Hong Kong

Phone:
+852 2855 1289

Price:
HKD600ish per person including wine.  For the food, it was about HKD335 per person.

The deal:
I was stuck on a Sunday night trying to find somewhere casual for dinner that wasn’t going to break bank or make me weep salty bitter tears of disappointment into some overpriced, fuck no bistro style dish.  I also decided that in the interest of not being the most predictable fucker in the world I should perhaps actually try somewhere new.  You wouldn’t think finding a casual restaurant with straight forward food is a difficult ask but fuck, as I started to sift through the new restaurant sections of various HK publications I started to rapidly lose faith in humanity that no clickbait article was gonna be able to restore. Like seriously, I’m not even fucking kidding when I say there’s a new restaurant in Central called Kettle Black which is focussed on presenting dishes which are black in colour, including a black truffle, porcini mushroom with cordyceps flower pizza.  Thank fuck, because I’ve always wanted to have a restaurant where I can reliably get black themed food and surely this concept will never lose its novelty ever. No really.

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I took my despondent self to my FY Noms FB account (yo add me if you ever wanted a homie who’s gonna read your FB drivel and give you a fuck yeah when you do something rad) and after an appeal for suggestions, a singular homie suggested I check out Catch on Catchick.  I was slightly hesitant because I’m not normally the biggest fan of Kennedy Town.  I know it’s come a long way since the MTR opened a station there and everyone’s getting onboard the party train to K-Town but I’ve just had so many ‘just ok’ meals with shitty service in Kennedy Town that I sometimes think people just get their judgment all screwed up because they’re really fucking proud that they’ve gotten out of Sheung Wan or Soho for a meal.  However Catch on Catchick’s menu looked like it was well thought out and full of fresh seafood which sounded like a fuck yeah idea on a balmy hot as fuck summer HK night.

Catch on Catchick is not large, with less than 10 tables.  We got jammed into a small table right by the accordion style door and we were bitching about it amongst ourselves when a conscientious waiter homie overheard us and asked if we’d like to move to another table. WAT, IS THIS REAL LIFE? AM I STILL IN HK?  I hadn’t even bothered to ask if we could move because I was imagining that we were going to have that HK argument where waiters won’t let you sit at an empty table for whatever arbitrary reason they’re peddling that night.

After reading Catch on Catchick’s menu, one thing that hit me was that it was giving me some strong Australian feels with the way they were presenting their ingredient combinations.  Not to say that Australians have the intellectual property rights over combos like soft shell crab and chipotle mayonnaise or barramundi and eggplant purees, but it felt like it was doing that Australian thing of taking shit from a bunch of different cultures, relying on fresh ingredients and mixing it into fuck yeah dishes.  Or maybe it’s just that Aussies like to throw a bit of chermoula or haloumi around to fancy up shit *cue Curtis Stone staring at you with his dead, dead eyes*.  I have since half-heartedly googled Catch on Catchick to see if I could find more background on the chef / owner, but I’ll confess that I lost interest and decided to rely on my own fairly baseless assumptions that there must be some sort of Australian connection given the prevalence of Australian and NZ wines and the use of ‘Stickys’ to describe the dessert wines on Catch on Catchick’s menu.

We asked our waiter homie how much we should order and he gave thoughtful, well thought out answers even giving guidance based on what specific dishes we wanted.  My homie and I decided to share everything because the menu had so many things we wanted to get involved with.  For a starter, we split a baked goat’s cheese and spinach spiral for a very decent fuck yeah price of HKD108.  I’m sure some restaurants are charging that for steamed green bean sides.  The baked goat’s cheese and spinach filo pastry spiral was fucking awesome, but I guess warm goat’s cheese and buttery pastry is a combo that’s hard to fuck up.  The strong goat’s cheese paired really fucking well with the salad, managing to keep its shit interesting with the slightly bitter endives, the acidic dressing, crisp as fuck apples and some crushed roasted hazelnuts.  This fuck yeah combination of tart Granny Smith apples with goat’s cheese made me have a vivid flashback to when Sir Crunchalot aggressively stacked on the kilos when he decided that he fucking loved eating cheese and apples right before bed to induce cheese dreams and decided the appropriate cheese quantity for this nocturnal ritual was about 500 grams to one apple. EVERY NIGHT.  Eat, cheese, sleep, repeat. Eat, cheese, sleep, repeat.

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For mains, we got the dukkah crusted salmon (HKD198) and the Jamaican jerk chicken with coleslaw (HKD168).  Fuck yeahhhh, I love dukkah.  For those of you not down with Egyptian spice blends to use on bread or to coat meat, dukkah’s a crushed up fuck yeah combination of spices and nuts like hazelnuts, macadamias or pistachios with coriander, cumin and sesame seeds.  Catch on Catchick served their dukkah salmon with cumin spiced lentils, a bit of yoghurt, raisins and pomegranate.  Yassssss, these sweet, earthy Middle Eastern flavours were fresh as all hell and most def a fuck yeah.  This dish just felt like perfect fuck yeah HK summer food because shit was tasty as fuck without being too goddamn heavy or hot.  The Jamaican jerk chicken was fucking great too – grilled so there was a bit of char with it using a citrus-based slightly spicy marinade and then served with some solid fuck yeah coleslaw.  It’d be a decent sized feed for one person but it’s not fucking crazy, probably checking in at just under half a chicken.

Given our order of a starter and two mains,we weren’t fucking stuffed to the gills so we both ordered the cardamon panna cotta (HKD68).  I’m an OCD asshole so I involuntarily twitched when I saw our panna cottas arrive in two different size containers.  I know it shouldn’t make a difference but I also prefer my panacottas to be released from their moulds, rather than scooping them direct from their container.  Petty foodie asshole preferences aside this panna cotta was a fuck yeah, delicately spiced with cardamon which was offset by a berry compote and a toasted coconut crumble.

Ultimately, I really fucking enjoyed Catch on Catchick because they just got all their shit right and it feels like it’s such a HK rarity to be able to have a no fuss meal which is still in a relatively decent restaurant but isn’t boring as fuck either.  It was also a fucking dream to receive such bang on service with not a single waiter leaving us wanting for anything.  The food was relying on fresh ingredients and flavour combos were pulled from different sources without being awkward or obtuse.  Prices were on point and thanks to the Kennedy Town MTR it’s not even too fucking hard to get there.  WTF, is this what complete satisfaction feels like?!

Verdict:
Honestly, this shit’s a HK rarity, a casual restaurant with fuck yeah service at an appropriate price point with interesting fresh dishes and not a dumbass trendy dish in sight.  Fuck yeah!

Where:
Missy Ho’s (Ermagerd, functional and useful HK website with menu.  Be still my beating heart)
Shop G9, G/F, Sincere Western House
48 Forbes Street
Kennedy Town, Hong Kong

Phone:
+852 2817 3808

Price:
We got out for HKD550 a person including cocktails, drinks and tiny bottles of San Pellegrino.  I only mention that specifically because we’ve all fallen victim to a bill where it ends up being 70% food costs and 30% fizzy bottles of fucking water while some no-fun no drinking asshole claims that they should pay a reduced portion of the bill because ‘I didn’t drink any alcohol’. FYI, no assholes at my dinner.

The deal:
I was apprehensive about Missy Ho’s because their website proclaimed their style was ‘Funky Fusion Flavours’.  I’ve already outlined my views on what ‘Fusion’ translates to (ie. half assed Asian food with a snow pea to the side) but then you add that triple F alliteration and I was breaking out in fucked up foodie scrummy delectable hives.  I mean, why not just go all out food wank style and label yourself as describe yourself as ‘Funky Fusion Flavours For Fantabulous Femme Fatale Foodies’.  I was also fearing mediocre, overpriced noms  because it’s run by Castelo Concepts, which let’s face it can be the Basic Bitch of HK Dining Groups as I immediately had flashbacks to being in Wagyu Lounge and paying all the money ever for a tiny entree serve of basic beef squares on a stick to prevent myself from becoming a drunk ass bitch during drinks.

Missy Ho’s is pushing that eclectic, crazy ass, anything goes ‘woo girl’ vibe.  Black ‘secret’ door.  CHECK. Furry onesies in the corner so you can dress up and get keraaaaaazy.  CHECK.  Novelty hats on your chair.  CHECK. Bird cages, Union Jacks, dreadlocked Asian girl mural and chains which come down so you can swing on them.  CHECK.  WOOOO, I like to partayyyy.  The music is motherfuckin’ loud in here too – we were trying to sass the waiter, shouting at him ‘HI, WE CAN STILL HEAR EACH OTHER – COULD YOU TURN THE MUSIC UP SOME MORE?’ and not surprisingly he looked back at us and went ‘WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?’.  As someone who wrote off at dining anywhere in Brim28 ever because all the restaurants have appalling font choices it goes without saying that the fact that the waiters were wearing tee-shirts which incorrectly spelt the name of the restaurant they actually fucking worked at, irked me to the bone.  MISSY HO WAITERS, Y UR TEE-SHIRT SAY MISSIE HO’S. I mean seriously, LURN 2 SPEL MISSY HO’S, I don’t even work at your restaurant and I gave you the fucking dignity of spelling your name right in my FYN review?!?!?

So, despite all my concerns it was going to be a night of Basic Bitch Overpriced Fuck No Half Assed Asian Food, Missy Ho’s was pretty fucking good and even if we couldn’t hear the waiters the service was a fiendishly friendly, fantastic fuck yeah.  There’s new style sushi which would upset any Japanese food purist with its spicy, creamy mayo style sauce and crunchy shit inside.  This was a group dinner (you know how that feels for me) so as I was sitting next to Ms Two Serves we had the following conversation after about 3 plates of food:

Sgt Noms:  I’m soooo fucking hungry.

Ms Two Serves:  Why do you think I sat down the end of the table where there’s more girls?  Cause most of them don’t eat a lot and I get to eat more of the share plates.

Sgt Noms:  Hand me one of those spare chicken and avocado rolls from your end NOW.

The salt + pepper cuttle fish was a fuck yeah.  The Snapper Carpaccio was definitely food for ants but whatever I could find (cause it was so fucking tiny) was delicious.  The Miso Cod Tacos are falling into the perennial category of ‘HK Y U charge so much for tiny ass tacos’ at a hefty HKD60 each but it was also a fuck (though brief) yeah.  My table ordered a billion serves of pineapple prawns but it didn’t set my world on fire.  I gotta say Missy Ho’s though – your dessert selection gets a FUCK NO.  The banana pancake was a fuck yeah (but I mean how hard is it to fuck up a pancake with ice-cream?).  We also ordered the Rocky Road Cassata – Ms Two Serves asked me what a cassata was and I told her it’s a shitty Italian ice-cream we used to eat in Chinese restaurants in Australia in the 80s.  She took one bite and goes ‘I think a cassata’s just a Shitty Neapolitan ice-cream….What’s up with this weird fruit shit in it?’ .  I don’t like cooked strawberries at the best of times and then a bowl of deep fried tempura strawberries appeared and they looked just as half-assed as you can expect tempura coated strawberries to look.   I wasn’t motivated to try them but Ms Two Serves gave it a fuck no.

In summary – fuck no to alliteration, fuck yeah to getting to wear a furry koala hat and eat Missy Ho’s food, fuck no to spelling your own restaurant name wrong on your waiters’ tees and fuck no to Missy Ho’s desserts.

Addendum – August 2014:  This was my third time back at the Ho and I can move past things like how they don’t put the animal hats out anymore on the table or the fact that the relatively small menu is STILL the same since it opened (though per their FB, think they’re releasing a new menu next week) because the food is pretty fucking good.  But the wheels came off the Missy Ho’s service train, despite it not being that full of people.  For a start, the floor staff seemed to be unable to see you needing them at your table, meaning that you had to physically stand up to get service.  Woop woop, sound the fucking alarm – I got a bad fucking feeling about this.

Cocktail service was also slow as fuck last night – with orders going missing and you know it’s bad when you have to start putting in your cocktail orders when you have half of one left, because you’re anticipating that it’s going to take fucking forever to get your next drink.  Y U do this Missy Ho’s – the margin’s in the goddamn booze??  I asked WTF was happening with their service last night (because I think it’s only fair to give feedback on the night before coming home to bitch about it anonymously online) and they answered “It’s been a long week”.

My reaction:

joanjudging

R U fucking serious??  That’s your reason for why shit isn’t working for you? Isn’t it your business to be on top form for Saturday night prime time which is when everyone who’s had a long week wants to get liquored up and give you all their goddamn money.

Missy Ho’s seemed to have some serious issues with keeping their kitchen stocked with shit – they couldn’t make any Apple Peng Chao pie cocktails as they didn’t have the ingredients and they only had one serve left of their fucking tasty beef satay.  We ordered rose and they couldn’t offer us any wine glasses – only tumblers and champagne glasses.  FYI Castelo Concepts, there’s a Japan Home Centre just down the road, walk yourself down there and buy some goddamn wine glasses, because you’ve been open for how long now?? For desserts, we wanted six of their espresso cocktails and they could only make three because they had run out of coffee.  I even offered to go to Pacific Coffee for them to buy some espresso.  I mean holy fuck, we went at 8pm on a Saturday – how can you be out of everything?!

It’s really fucking sad because the food is still on point and the atmosphere is fun, but based on the service last night – I can’t in good conscience recommend that you should go cause you run the risk that if Missy Ho’s have had a long week, they’re not going to give you any service.

Verdict:
FUCK YEAH – high recommend to get a bunch of homies together, wear a koala hat and have some fuck yeah fun noms at Missy Ho’s.

Based on the service most recently received – FUCK NO

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