Forbidden

It also used terrible phrases like “magic creamy sauce”, “satisfying kick” and “perfect end to a surprisingly fantastic meal”.

live_on_this_planet_futurama

KILL ME IN THE FUCKING FACE ALREADY, YOU ERUDITE DESCRIPTIVE ANGEL.  NO LINK BECAUSE I LOVE YOU GUYS TOO FUCKING MUCH TO HURT YOU.

SAUCE

 

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I really don’t fucking get it.  Why do people use RESTO instead of the very decent and etymologically correct RESTAURANT?  Every blogger and their beautiful cute as fuck dog is using resto this, resto that and I am done with this shit.  It’s only a fucking saving of five letters and LBR, given the amount of time they put into looking up adjectives for ‘gorgeous’, ‘magnificent’ and ‘delectable’, I don’t get why the last syllable or extra letters have to be cut off for an ‘o’.  It makes people sound so fucking stupid and I just imagine some sappy faced girl sitting on her macbook, pinning stupid shit pictures of her dream wedding (OMG guys just gorgeous, CHALKBOARD with an inspirational quote and Nick + Sarah = FOREVER, WAIT EVEN BETTER, ‘The sweetest thing is love’ in chalky cursive with an arrow pointing to a mother fucking candy buffet) and 20 body-weight workouts that will torch thigh fat to her Pinterest and then switching tabs to blog about some cute, neighbourhood RESTO they went to last night before signing off as Foodie Girl xoxo.

Just cannot.  FUCK NO TO RESTO BEFORE PEOPLE START CALLING MAIN COURSES MAINOS.

One of my best friends had a word document on her laptop called forbidden.doc.  Of course, I did the obvious thing and opened it without asking her.  When I did, it was a series of words that she had decided with her brother were awful and they should never be used.  It included words like munch, paste, moist, pie, cream and the name Craig. I then tried to devise the most offensive sentence for her which consisted of ‘Would you like to munch down on some moist muff cream pie?” and she was suitably horrified and her brother accused me of just wanting to watch the world burn.  I could start a similar word document for FYN, but it doesn’t give me the opportunity for adulation and potential for free meals that writing this publicly on the Internet could.

Let’s face it though, don’t know if I’m going to be snacking down on complimentary meals too often with this curmudgeonly attitude.

More words to add to the FORBIDDEN list (in addition to ‘Welcoming Crunch‘:

  • Even worse than ‘foodie’ – a ‘self confessed foodie’
  • Food orgasm – was your food having an orgasm or were you literally having an orgasm?  Do you realise how embarassing you sound?
  • Down-to-earth
  • People who ‘delve’ into a dish
  • Flavours that shine through – unless flavours were truly incandescent, not acceptable
  • Tempting
  • ‘Worth every penny’ – maybe acceptable if you live in a country which still uses pennies.  Maybe.  Probably not.
  • To anyone, EVER using the word ‘unctuous’ as a positive thing – have you looked up what this definition means? Why are your egg yolks always so damn unctuous?
    Adjective
    1. (of a person) Excessively or ingratiatingly flattering; oily: “anxious to please in an unctuous way”.
    2. (chiefly of minerals) Having a greasy or soapy feel

 

FYI – just had my blood pressure checked and it was low.  Who knew that being this angry could have so many health benefits?

Words I have decided will be forbidden on FUCK YEAH NOMS:

  • Welcoming
  • Yummy
  • Scrumptious
  • Scrummy
  • Pleasant
  • Morsels
  • Melt in your mouth
  • Delectable
  • Delightful
  • Crème de la crème
  • Treat (‘a motherfucking treat’ is permitted)
  • Fabulous and all of its variations (Fab, just fabulous)
  • Lovely
  • Indulgent
  • Cheeky
  • Smitten
  • Food heaven
  • Any form of bacon wank
  • Any form of pork belly wank (I get it, there was pig, the skin was crispy, it was melt in your mouth – no fucking shit, it’s pork belly)
  • Any references to being so full or bursting that you are not sure if you can fit in dessert (refer title)

FUCK NO!!

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