Dim sum

Where:
Dim Sum Square
No. 27 Hillier Street (Walk there via Jervois Street though)
Sheung Wan, Hong Kong
(蘇杭街舊店對面 opposite to the old shop at 88 Jervois Street)

Phone:
+852 2851 8088 (lol, it’s not a booking place though)

Price:
It’s fucking cheap – I ordered shit tins and it was HKD100 a person.

The deal:
Everyone can be such a know-it-all asshole in Hong Kong when it comes to recommending a yum cha place. You can either go for that balls to the wall high end dim sum experience or it’s going to some local place where the service is brusque but the food should be on track for fuck yeah awesome times.  Locals will hesitate to recommend somewhere to expats outside of Maxim’s City Hall, thinking that the places they go to are “too local” and an expat will spontaneously burst into flames if they were somewhere that didn’t have a tablecloth and it’s full of grumpy fuckers who don’t give a fuck if you’re asking for chilli sauce or an extra pair of chopsticks.  Can’t blame them, some expats probably would.

Dim Sum Square is pretty consistently reviewed by any expat who lives in Sheung Wan (“Oh my god guys, Sheung Wan – it’s like the best of old meets new in Hong Kong.  And there’s just cool little coffee shops but still old Chinese guys selling dried seafood.  Best ever!”) , bloggers, newspapers and Guides to HK.  Shit’s going all right for the homies at Dim Sum Square, they’ve moved across the road from their original tiny storefront to a much bigger place across the road.  Business is good yo – the place is jammed and there’s a line pretty much every time I walk by with a mix of largely local and some expat patrons.

Eating at Dim Sum Square is dirt cheap – most items range from HKD16 – 24 per plate.  But I just didn’t think the quality was that good.  Everyone goes how fresh it is because it’s all steamed to order (by an old lady out the back! How authentic!) but I just wasn’t that fucking impressed.  The prawn in the har gao / prawn dumpling felt undersized and not connected.  The HK favourite of the pineapple bun style char siu bao had its balance off between the sweet topping – the crust was just tooo fucking sweet.  The lotus leaf wrapped sticky rice didn’t have enough pork or filling in it (yeah, it was only HKD24 but fuck, just charge me a bit more and stuff it properly, buy some goddamn chestnuts and some Chinese sausage ok?).  The skin on the xiao long bao soup dumplings was too fucking thick.  Oh, and they don’t sell beer either which I have to take some FYN points off for – fuck no to not having the option of a beer with your siu mai.

A consistent problem I find with dim sum recommendations in Hong Kong is that a lot of people get really fucking overexcited by cheap dim sum that they seem to lose all grip on whether the food is actually good or not.  Something about not paying a lot lets people feel like they’re really getting down and local, and therefore, shit must be good. I mean, it’s fucking good enough for the Michelin Star peeps who roll into Tim Ho Wan, pay almost nothing for some char siu bao and they slap themselves on the back for really fucking getting amongst it and then slap a star on it.  I think Dim Sum Square falls under this category because some of it was ok and none of it was terrible, but just because an old lady makes it and shit’s cheap, doesn’t mean that it’s that good or authentic.

Verdict:
Fuck no, because this is Hong Kong, so why settle for just average dim sum, FFS just charge me a bit more and get your fillings goddamn right.  But hey ho, if you’re completely price driven, this will be a fuck yeah for you.

stop_penis_erect_archer

Where:
Fu Lu Shou (OMG I KNOW I ALREADY SEMI REVIEWED THEM BEFORE)
L7, 31 Hollywood Rd
Central, Hong Kong

Phone:
+852 2336 8812

Price:
Shit’s kinda hazy but cocktails were HKD100ish and food was HKD150iish – fuckkkkkkkkk I know, two half assed reviews and I can’t still tell you how much coin to expect to drop.

The deal:
After trying about three times to book a table at Fu Lu Shou (hot FYN tip, perhaps don’t try on a THURSDAY to book a table for a FRIDAY at one of HK’s newest, hot as fuck bars) finally made my triumphant return to Fu Lu Shou (or FUK LUK SAU cause we are in Hong Kong S to the mother fucking A R after all and not CHINA). You guys are going to start to think that I’m a Fu Lu Shou shill and they’re comping me shit which is why I’m always talking up their shizzzzz.  But don’t worry, I’m still paying for my own descent into a luscious (emphasis on lush), boozey and cuddly beach bikini body with my own hard earned HKD.  Back the fuck up junk season, imma coming for you.  Seriously though, I think their Sweet and Sour Pork is even fucking better than their fuck yeah prawn toasts and chicken wings that I had last time.  I tried some of their other cocktails but while the Ham Leng Chat (Salty Lemon cocktail) was interesting, I didn’t fucking love it.  But no matter because the star of the goddamn masterpiece is their take on the Dark and Stormy – the Typhoon 8.  I necked four of those glorious gingery rum filled bastards, amounting to a destructive Typhoon 32 force of nature, in a very punchy effort on a school night (after warming up on two other cocktails and three glasses of wine – which also explains why I STILL can’t provide super accurate price guidance).

Verdict:
From the bottom of my profanity filled heart, I fucking love you guys – I hope you can weather the fickle HK bar scene and continue to keep me in nostalgia filled, FUCK YEAH sweet and sour pork on a long term basis.

Where:
The Square
4/F, Exchange Square II,
Central, Hong Kong

Phone:
+852 2525 1163

Price range:
HKD250 a head, including dessert.

The deal:
One Michelin starred Chinese restaurant in Exchange Square.  I am not sure how much weight I put on this Michelin star process as I sometimes get the feeling that HK hands out Michelin stars like candy though.  Not to say that The Square isn’t good, but is there really any sense in comparing the one Michelin starred Amber or the one Michelin starred Tim Ho Wan?  I sometimes feel that that Oprah Winfrey was working for the Michelin Guide and blew through HK – ‘YOU GET A MICHELIN STAR! AND YOU GET A MICHELIN STAR!!! AND YOUUUU GET A MICHELIN STAR!!!’.  Stopped in here for lunch for a mixture of dishes + dim sum and was expecting to be stripped of all my money.  Despite this fear, it was pretty good value.  A FWHKP (First World HK Problem) is getting dim sum fatigue, when you get burned out on dim sum because you’ve been to a few and they all almost taste the same and are of similar quality.  However, The Square’s dim sum was above normal HK standard so it was pretty fucking great.  A+ would buy from again.

Verdict:
Fuck yeah.

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