Cocktails

Where:
Stone Nullah Tavern (HK, Y U EVEN BOTHER WITH WEBSITES LIKE THIS?)
G/F, 69 Stone Nullah Ln
Wan Chai, Hong Kong

Phone:
+852 3182 0128

Price:
HKD1200 for two people including a 10% tip, included 2 cocktails + 2 beers.  Hipster joint, so no service charge but tip expected.

The deal:
Stone Nullah Tavern definitely ticks some of the hipster checklist – no service charge, nose-to-tail eating, modern take on American comfort food, interesting cocktails which riff on the classics, pickles and waiters with the hair, glasses and tatts to match.  But it also didn’t tick the other points that hipster joints normally do which fuck me off – you can make bookings, I wasn’t totally bankrupt after eating here, waitstaff were friendly but not trying to be my BFF and the food was fucking great.  One of our waiters on the night looked just like Zayn Malik from One Direction, replete with blonde fringe which resulted in us singing “Oooh ooh oooh – THIS IS WHY YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL” every time he finished attentively serving us.

You’re definitely not at Stone Nullah Tavern for a healthy, light feed.  Fried buffalo wings.  Fried arancini balls.  A breaded chicken tenderloin with sausage gravy.  Beef short ribs served on bread with gruyere.  This was after we censored ourselves in a rare show of restraint and we didn’t order the tater tots.  Calling defeat, we didn’t look at the dessert menu (I know, I know – meant to harden up and power through pud pud) and decided to tumble home as all the fry oil hardened my arteries with a vice grip.  No service charge which they didn’t even ram down our throat, but I was more than happy to leave a 10% tip (vs. when the waiter bails you up and pointedly makes a point that there’s NO SERVICE CHARGE and you should TIP, hey Little Bao, imma looking at you).  Which says a lot, because I’m not exactly known as Little Miss Sunshine.

Addendum:  Went back to Stone Nullah Tavern and put our hard cunt pants on and motored through dessert.  Snickers chocolate sundae with pretzels and fudge was a mere fuck yeah but the fig cake + cheesecake ice-cream was a massive fuck yeahhhhhhhh.  So order one less share plate and leave room for pud pud.

Verdict:
Fuck yeah!

Where:
Woolwich Pier Hotel
2 Gale Street
Woolwich NSW Australia

Phone:
+612 9817 2204

Price:
AUD20ish for mains.  AUD14 for cocktails.

The deal:
I used to work with a guy who maintained that the nickname for Hunters Hill is ‘Sausage Hill’, because if you lived in Hunters Hill all you could afford to eat was sausage.  I guess he never bought sausage in HK because that shit is expensive.  It’s pretty apparent why the Woolwich Pier Hotel won Best Pub in NSW because aside from the banging hilltop Sydney city and water views, this pub is at peace with doing pub food and is busting out the good shit at higher than average pub food prices but actually matching the quality in a fair and mathematically sound equation.  Cocktails are reasonably priced and aren’t anaemic, watery, over sugared nightmares.  Menu was solid as a rock with a bag of rocks on it, rocking out with its cock out – fish and chips, burgers, lamb shoulder pot pie, crispy pork belly and duh, steak and chips.  I wanted to eat it all  but alas, I’m not a cow (literally, maybe metaphorically) so with my single, lonely stomach scenario I had the fish and chips with mushy peas.  Good news, they didn’t fuck it up.  Then to seal their verdict, they brought around tasting plates with free tastes for all.  Of course, that’s always my favourite price.

Advance Australia Fair motherfuckers, who said this country wasn’t fair anymore?

The verdict:
Fuck yeah!

Where:
Wooloomooloo Rooftop Bar
31F/The Hennessy
256 Hennessy Rd
Wan Chai

Phone:
+852 2893 6960

Price:
HKD109 for a cocktail

The deal:
I haven’t actually given a FYN rating to any bars yet, but was inspired last night after having quite possibly the worst Moscow Mule of my life at Wooloomooloo Rooftop last night.  I love the venue, but a Moscow Mule is not a complicated drink – ginger beer, vodka, fresh limes and a dash of vanilla (optional, but it gets a fuck yeahhhhh from me).  They somehow managed to squeeze a fuckton of Angostura bitters in there and then sting me for HKD100+.

Life pro tip:  If you really want to know the secret to Fuck Yeah Moscow Mules, you need to buy some Matso’s Alcoholic Ginger Beer, squeeze some fresh lime in, add a dash of real vanilla bean essence and then drink it, preferrably in a swimming pool while working on your tan.  That shit is off the hook.  Matso’s – Y U no in HK yet?!

 

The verdict:
FUCK NO.

%d bloggers like this: