Western

Where:
Woolwich Pier Hotel
2 Gale Street
Woolwich NSW Australia

Phone:
+612 9817 2204

Price:
AUD20ish for mains.  AUD14 for cocktails.

The deal:
I used to work with a guy who maintained that the nickname for Hunters Hill is ‘Sausage Hill’, because if you lived in Hunters Hill all you could afford to eat was sausage.  I guess he never bought sausage in HK because that shit is expensive.  It’s pretty apparent why the Woolwich Pier Hotel won Best Pub in NSW because aside from the banging hilltop Sydney city and water views, this pub is at peace with doing pub food and is busting out the good shit at higher than average pub food prices but actually matching the quality in a fair and mathematically sound equation.  Cocktails are reasonably priced and aren’t anaemic, watery, over sugared nightmares.  Menu was solid as a rock with a bag of rocks on it, rocking out with its cock out – fish and chips, burgers, lamb shoulder pot pie, crispy pork belly and duh, steak and chips.  I wanted to eat it all  but alas, I’m not a cow (literally, maybe metaphorically) so with my single, lonely stomach scenario I had the fish and chips with mushy peas.  Good news, they didn’t fuck it up.  Then to seal their verdict, they brought around tasting plates with free tastes for all.  Of course, that’s always my favourite price.

Advance Australia Fair motherfuckers, who said this country wasn’t fair anymore?

The verdict:
Fuck yeah!

Where:
The Salted Pig (Just checked it again – as said before, HK websites, YU even exist??)
2/F, The L Place, 139 Queen’s Road Central

Phone:
+852 2870 2323

The deal:
So, I’ve already been to The Salted Pig and gave it FYN’s first ‘Jury’s out’ rating.  My friend emailed me asking me if it was any good and I replied with the link and qualified that perhaps it wasn’t fair to judge without the lack of crackling and suggested they try the pork knuckle.  My friend reported back that it was ‘so disappointing’ and the pork knuckle was COLD.  Credit where credit is due, she also noted that the Bloody Mary cocktail was ‘sensational (came with bacon)’ and the entree of scallops wrapped in bacon was good (but a bit ‘food for ants’/small).  But in the killer blow, ‘pork knuckle was shit and the ribs were shit.  FUCK NO’ is what her email declared to me the next day.  Yes, I’m already outsourcing my reviews to other people – but this friend of mine is a solid nommer who recognises mediocrity in HK.  So, I’ll keep my HKD500 for another place and finalise the verdict as below.

The verdict:
FUCK NO.

Where:
The Salted Pig (HK websites, YU even exist??)
2/F, The L Place, 139 Queen’s Road Central

Phone:
+852 2870 2323

The deal:
While I was trying to find the phone number for this place, I came across a blog with a billion photos (I can only imagine that this girl’s friends would have spent most of the meal watching her take photos) plus this atrocious description of the Eton Mess dessert at The Salted Pig and it upset me thoroughly. “Banana and fudge brownie chunks lined the bottom of the glass, and were covered in an indulgent layer of cream and topped with small, airy meringues. The flavours came together harmoniously, and the symphony of magnificent textures made my heart sing.” Why do people write about food this way? Why does the Eton Mess have chocolate brownie in it?  Why do I get so upset about food blogs but yet write about food myself?  So if you remember the opening post of FYN, one of the forbidden items was ‘pork belly wank’.  I get it, pork is a great thing – but I hate how people get in this total incoherent mess to prove they are Pork Lovers and pork is just the best thing ever.  Put down the ‘Bacon is the Answer’ tee-shirt.  Fuck me, enough complaining – on with the write up.  Brioche bread came out – not hot though, so going to minus points.  The chacuterie plate was pretty good but the scotch egg is stuck in my craw because it was HALF an egg, coated like a scotch egg and then crumbed.  Salted Pig, how much do eggs really cost?  You really had to give me HALF a boiled egg in my scotch egg to keep your profit margins in check?  Now the disappointment of the night, we ordered the slow roasted pork rack and the meat was nice but there was no crackling.  NO CRACKLING.  Why do you think I’m in a pig specialty place, ordering roasted pig?  To have a healthy day out?  My husband was pretty pleased with the whole affair but for me, I think we ordered the wrong thing.  HKD800 for 2 people + 1 drink each.

The Verdict:
Jury’s out – can’t judge a pork place without eating crackling there.  Will return and give definitive judgment then.

Where:
Stones
1-9 Lin Fa Kung St West
Tai Hang

Phone number:
+852 2570 6858

The deal:
HKD200ish for dinner + a drink.  Unfussy, straight forward pub food at a decent price point.  Owner hangs around and seems genuinely interested in his customers having a good time.  Note that the menu claims brunch starts from 12ish, which in my mind, is really a bit more lunchish.  The burgers are so good and they even do it American style (ie. they ask how you want them cooked – rather than assuming well done). I always ask them to hold the bun on my burger and they assume that means I want salad instead of chips, but I’m just like that fat guy who orders cakes and asks to hold the cream and I always resolutely reply ‘hells no, giddy up on the fried taters’. Stones’ fries are just so good though. Overall, solid pub performer with no wank or pretentiousness. A+++ would buy from again.

The verdict:
FUCK YEAH.

Where:
Ramas Oyster Bar & Grill (no website)
Shop 2A-1, 2/F, Sun Hung Kai Centre,
30 Harbour Road, Wan Chai

Phone number:
+852 3101 0656

The deal:
HKD150 – HKD300 for a main.  Western food which was ok but just weird, aggressive service.  Private dining room appeared to be a storeroom – replete with several massive fake wedding cakes, wedding couple portrait, cigar humidor, spare lamps and a stored karaoke stage. I couldn’t make this shit up.

The verdict:
FUCK NO

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