Modern

Where:
Missy Ho’s (Ermagerd, functional and useful HK website with menu.  Be still my beating heart)
Shop G9, G/F, Sincere Western House
48 Forbes Street
Kennedy Town, Hong Kong

Phone:
+852 2817 3808

Price:
We got out for HKD550 a person including cocktails, drinks and tiny bottles of San Pellegrino.  I only mention that specifically because we’ve all fallen victim to a bill where it ends up being 70% food costs and 30% fizzy bottles of fucking water while some no-fun no drinking asshole claims that they should pay a reduced portion of the bill because ‘I didn’t drink any alcohol’. FYI, no assholes at my dinner.

The deal:
I was apprehensive about Missy Ho’s because their website proclaimed their style was ‘Funky Fusion Flavours’.  I’ve already outlined my views on what ‘Fusion’ translates to (ie. half assed Asian food with a snow pea to the side) but then you add that triple F alliteration and I was breaking out in fucked up foodie scrummy delectable hives.  I mean, why not just go all out food wank style and label yourself as describe yourself as ‘Funky Fusion Flavours For Fantabulous Femme Fatale Foodies’.  I was also fearing mediocre, overpriced noms  because it’s run by Castelo Concepts, which let’s face it can be the Basic Bitch of HK Dining Groups as I immediately had flashbacks to being in Wagyu Lounge and paying all the money ever for a tiny entree serve of basic beef squares on a stick to prevent myself from becoming a drunk ass bitch during drinks.

Missy Ho’s is pushing that eclectic, crazy ass, anything goes ‘woo girl’ vibe.  Black ‘secret’ door.  CHECK. Furry onesies in the corner so you can dress up and get keraaaaaazy.  CHECK.  Novelty hats on your chair.  CHECK. Bird cages, Union Jacks, dreadlocked Asian girl mural and chains which come down so you can swing on them.  CHECK.  WOOOO, I like to partayyyy.  The music is motherfuckin’ loud in here too – we were trying to sass the waiter, shouting at him ‘HI, WE CAN STILL HEAR EACH OTHER – COULD YOU TURN THE MUSIC UP SOME MORE?’ and not surprisingly he looked back at us and went ‘WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?’.  As someone who wrote off at dining anywhere in Brim28 ever because all the restaurants have appalling font choices it goes without saying that the fact that the waiters were wearing tee-shirts which incorrectly spelt the name of the restaurant they actually fucking worked at, irked me to the bone.  MISSY HO WAITERS, Y UR TEE-SHIRT SAY MISSIE HO’S. I mean seriously, LURN 2 SPEL MISSY HO’S, I don’t even work at your restaurant and I gave you the fucking dignity of spelling your name right in my FYN review?!?!?

So, despite all my concerns it was going to be a night of Basic Bitch Overpriced Fuck No Half Assed Asian Food, Missy Ho’s was pretty fucking good and even if we couldn’t hear the waiters the service was a fiendishly friendly, fantastic fuck yeah.  There’s new style sushi which would upset any Japanese food purist with its spicy, creamy mayo style sauce and crunchy shit inside.  This was a group dinner (you know how that feels for me) so as I was sitting next to Ms Two Serves we had the following conversation after about 3 plates of food:

Sgt Noms:  I’m soooo fucking hungry.

Ms Two Serves:  Why do you think I sat down the end of the table where there’s more girls?  Cause most of them don’t eat a lot and I get to eat more of the share plates.

Sgt Noms:  Hand me one of those spare chicken and avocado rolls from your end NOW.

The salt + pepper cuttle fish was a fuck yeah.  The Snapper Carpaccio was definitely food for ants but whatever I could find (cause it was so fucking tiny) was delicious.  The Miso Cod Tacos are falling into the perennial category of ‘HK Y U charge so much for tiny ass tacos’ at a hefty HKD60 each but it was also a fuck (though brief) yeah.  My table ordered a billion serves of pineapple prawns but it didn’t set my world on fire.  I gotta say Missy Ho’s though – your dessert selection gets a FUCK NO.  The banana pancake was a fuck yeah (but I mean how hard is it to fuck up a pancake with ice-cream?).  We also ordered the Rocky Road Cassata – Ms Two Serves asked me what a cassata was and I told her it’s a shitty Italian ice-cream we used to eat in Chinese restaurants in Australia in the 80s.  She took one bite and goes ‘I think a cassata’s just a Shitty Neapolitan ice-cream….What’s up with this weird fruit shit in it?’ .  I don’t like cooked strawberries at the best of times and then a bowl of deep fried tempura strawberries appeared and they looked just as half-assed as you can expect tempura coated strawberries to look.   I wasn’t motivated to try them but Ms Two Serves gave it a fuck no.

In summary – fuck no to alliteration, fuck yeah to getting to wear a furry koala hat and eat Missy Ho’s food, fuck no to spelling your own restaurant name wrong on your waiters’ tees and fuck no to Missy Ho’s desserts.

Addendum – August 2014:  This was my third time back at the Ho and I can move past things like how they don’t put the animal hats out anymore on the table or the fact that the relatively small menu is STILL the same since it opened (though per their FB, think they’re releasing a new menu next week) because the food is pretty fucking good.  But the wheels came off the Missy Ho’s service train, despite it not being that full of people.  For a start, the floor staff seemed to be unable to see you needing them at your table, meaning that you had to physically stand up to get service.  Woop woop, sound the fucking alarm – I got a bad fucking feeling about this.

Cocktail service was also slow as fuck last night – with orders going missing and you know it’s bad when you have to start putting in your cocktail orders when you have half of one left, because you’re anticipating that it’s going to take fucking forever to get your next drink.  Y U do this Missy Ho’s – the margin’s in the goddamn booze??  I asked WTF was happening with their service last night (because I think it’s only fair to give feedback on the night before coming home to bitch about it anonymously online) and they answered “It’s been a long week”.

My reaction:

joanjudging

R U fucking serious??  That’s your reason for why shit isn’t working for you? Isn’t it your business to be on top form for Saturday night prime time which is when everyone who’s had a long week wants to get liquored up and give you all their goddamn money.

Missy Ho’s seemed to have some serious issues with keeping their kitchen stocked with shit – they couldn’t make any Apple Peng Chao pie cocktails as they didn’t have the ingredients and they only had one serve left of their fucking tasty beef satay.  We ordered rose and they couldn’t offer us any wine glasses – only tumblers and champagne glasses.  FYI Castelo Concepts, there’s a Japan Home Centre just down the road, walk yourself down there and buy some goddamn wine glasses, because you’ve been open for how long now?? For desserts, we wanted six of their espresso cocktails and they could only make three because they had run out of coffee.  I even offered to go to Pacific Coffee for them to buy some espresso.  I mean holy fuck, we went at 8pm on a Saturday – how can you be out of everything?!

It’s really fucking sad because the food is still on point and the atmosphere is fun, but based on the service last night – I can’t in good conscience recommend that you should go cause you run the risk that if Missy Ho’s have had a long week, they’re not going to give you any service.

Verdict:
FUCK YEAH – high recommend to get a bunch of homies together, wear a koala hat and have some fuck yeah fun noms at Missy Ho’s.

Based on the service most recently received – FUCK NO

Where:
Chef Studio by Eddy
5B, Kwai Bo Industrial Building
Wong Chuk Hang, Hong Kong

Phone:
+852 3104 4664

Price:
Set meal is HKD880 + 10% service charge.  No corkage.  We got out for HKD1,000 each.

The deal:
Chef Studio by Eddy is a private kitchen, so you’re going to be in the middle of nowhere (ie. Wong Chuk Hang), guessing at whether you’re stopping the taxi in the right spot and going through industrial lifts.  The deal is a set 5 course meal, French/European and it’s BYOB (FUCK YEAH to no corkage).

I’ve deliberated over this verdict for weeks because while I enjoyed our night at Chef Studio by Eddy when it came down to laying down an answer to ‘Would you go back?’ as a Fuck Yeah or a Fuck No, I’ll be real – I’ve been on struggle street. So in FYN Pro / Con style:

FUCK YEAH PROS:

  • Chef Eddy:  Clearly invested in his customers having a top night.  Genuine, friendly and he’ll introduce himself to everyone on the night and have a chat. Top bloke, 10/10, would buy again A+++.
  • Foccacia:  Our friends were running late, so we smashed 2 plates of foccacia while we waited.  Serious FUCK YEAH.  Then my greedy friend showed up and smashed another 2 on her own.  Ms Two Serves doesn’t get her name by accident.
  • Food:  5 courses were well balanced but with a set menu, not every dish is going to set every diner’s world on fire.  The bouillabaisse starter tasted like the ocean had suckerpunched you in the mouth – which I’m down with, but my other FYN homies weren’t feeling as much.  Asparagus was being passed between diners because some of them are FUCK NO ASPARAGUS.  Pumpkin risotto was a fuck yeahhhhh.  Chef Eddy had told us that he’d harvested the black truffle himself in France and then he put it into a piece of melted brie.  Don’t get me wrong, I FUCKING LOVE CHEEEESE but I’m not buying that it’s the best way to showcase your French foraged truffle by smushing it into a piece of melted average brie.
  • BYOB:  One of my biggest bugbears are private kitchens which charge you corkage – hey private kitchen homes, you don’t have a fucking alcohol licence so why are you charging me for bringing my own booze?  Chef Eddy’s real about it though and if you’re a boozehound like me, massive points for being real about no corkage.

FUCK NO CONS:

  • Location:  While there’s probably some food wank points because you get to tell your friends you’re going to a PRIVATE KITCHEN in an INDUSTRIAL AREA however, LBR it’s pretty inconvenient to get to. I know taxis are cheap in HK but it still means you’re going to be on the deserted streets of Wong Chuk Hang trying to get a taxi back home at 11pm.
  • Price:  Most of the reviews I read online said that there’s no service charge, but Chef Eddy’s Facebook is upfront about it.  One diner commented that perhaps it’s disingenuous to say ‘No Corkage’ if it’s built into the price.  When I’m putting down HKD1000 a head, post service charge, it’s getting pretty fucking real in terms of bank.  So when I weigh up the price vs the food/experience, I don’t think I can say that it stacks up.

Verdict:
I’m so sorry Eddy (what have you done for me lately), on the FYN ‘Would I go again?’ test, it’s a fuck no.  If it was 20% cheaper, this would have slid into Fuck Yeah territory.  I think for HKD1000 a head (excluding booze), you can do better in HK.

Where:
Monopole
71A Macleay Street
Potts Point NSW Australia

Phone:
+612 9360 4410

Price:
Mains range from AUD20 – AUD28, but you’ll need more than one per person.

The deal:
This was one of those dining experiences which is nice enough at the time but even a week later, I’m struggling to remember what I really enjoyed on the night.  Yeah, there’s your tip off already, use of ‘nice’ which is on the FYN forbidden vocabulary list.  There were some good points – the charcuterie plate (although, AUD26 seems pretty fucking steep to me, even with my AUD pricing glasses on) and the chicken liver parfait.  There were some low points – service was a bit tardy (I had to make thirsty face at one point to get an aperitif), price to quantity of food was veering dangerously close to ‘food for ants’ territory and I am still taking offence to the trevally dish we had which seemed to be in absentia trevally except for a few slivers (srs, if you’re going to pull this shit at least list it as ‘a hint of trevally’, gotta keep it real Monopole).  I didn’t do dessert given how uninspiring they sounded.  I’ll confess, was concerned by ‘Nectarine, almond milk and blueberry’.  Yes, singular blueberry description.  Whether it was a typo or not, we’ll never know – but I knew the rage that was going to follow if a single, though accurately described, blueberry came floating to my table in a sea of almond milk for AUD14.

Ultimately, Monopole was one of those restaurants where I wouldn’t be upset about if I had to go back to but I’d never actively seek a return there.  Which is the heart of the fuck yeah / fuck no rating system.  Life’s too fucking short for nice.

The verdict:
Fuck no.

%d bloggers like this: