Cafe Deco (HK International Airport)

Cafe Deco (HK International Airport)

Where:
Cafe Deco HKIA
North Departures Concourse (Restricted Area),
Hong Kong International Airport

Phone:
+852 3118 2208

Price:
HKD80 for cocktails.  HKD100ish for small plates.

The deal:
So you’ve checked into your flight after surviving the desperate countdown to the promise of a vacation, dragging your sorry broken down ass through a busy as fuck work week and managing to clear security, despite being stuck behind some fuck knuckle who can’t separate their laptop from their possessions right until they are literally right on top of the fucking scanner and now all you fucking want to do is kill time and motherfuckin’ treat yo self before cramming yourself into the sardine tin of the sky, hurtling you to fuck yeah vacation times.  Sure you could buy make up and luxury time pieces or if you’re like me, you just want a snack and an alcoholic beverage.  Which brings me to the bullshit that is drinking at the airport – why is it always an exercise in overpriced, fucked up disappointment almost wherever you are on the entire fucking planet?

The Cafe Deco menu proudly declares “All your favourite cocktails are available – prepare to order” and prepare to order I did, asking for a Caprioska or a Mojito.  But what they forgot to add to their menu was “…but also be prepared to be really fucking disappointed” because I was told they could do neither.  Thanks for the false hopes and dreams, you Cafe Deco assholes.  We ordered the Himalayan Momos (lamb/chicken dumplings) for HKD108 which were completely unremarkable in every aspect of their existence. A brusque, surly waiter declared it was last orders and then banged around, grabbing random tins of Twinings tea and bottled water that they’d left on our table.  Who the fuck has a sub-standard overpriced drink and then decides that what they really need is a tin of tea to fucking go?  The strains of a cover band jammed listlessly in front of an unappreciative though captive crowd.  This must be some kind of hell, to be a hospitality worker in an airport listening to shitty covers of Adele and being jostled by cranky, thirsty tourists all day.

HKD300 later, with a few dumplings and one beyond average strawberry daiquiri down, I trod a far too sober though well worn path to McDonalds to get sweet McWings, chicken of the sky (which I am a dumb ass fool for ever straying from – is there any better fuel to fly on?) and all of a sudden, the mock Lan Kwai Fong bar near the duty free doesn’t seem like such a bad idea after all – thoughts swirling that next time, I’ll take my McDonald’s Minute Maid OJ to go and add tiny bottles of gin from Duty Free – gin and juice motherfuckers, requiring zero interaction from anyone related to Cafe Deco.

Verdict:
Fuck no – but how else can I get my pre-flight booze on??

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