Bread Street Kitchen & Bar by Gordon Ramsay (Hong Kong)

Bread Street Kitchen & Bar by Gordon Ramsay (Hong Kong)

Where:
Mezzanine Floor, LKF Hotel
33 Wyndham Street, Lan Kwai Fong
Central, Hong Kong

Phone:
Soft launch until 08 September – so no phone number.  Online bookings here.

Price:
HKD1000 each – that’s with 2+ cocktails each, a HKD420 (excl 10% service charge) bottle of wine between four people and a solid three course dinner.

The deal:
I heard this rumour that Bread Street Kitchen by Gordon Ramsay (I still can’t actually fucking figure out what Gordon’s precise connection to this is, other than slapping his name on it) was in soft launch this week and wasn’t charging for food, just drinks until their official launch on Monday.  As far as I’ve been able to find out, I don’t think Gordon’s actually visited the Kong yet – which raises the point of whether he gets his HK staff to FaceTime him, dragging the iPad through the kitchen/restaurant so he can call them all a bunch of ball bags remotely.  But back to the rumour that the food costs you is your comments and FMD, as I always have a serious case of 有 FEEDBACK (yao feedback = have feedback), this seemed like this was a perfect trade opportunity for FYN because fuck yeah, free food and the ability to try shit before everyone else was talking about it.  Yeah, check my fucking stats getting a first mover jump on all those other HK food blogging assholes.  Of course, there’s no delicate way to fucking check if they’re going to comp the food in the aid of a soft launch, so caveated noms with my homies that it ‘could be free’ and convinced Mr + Mrs Ain’t No Mountain High Enough and Big Papa to roll the dice.  Which meant that despite my weary pleas post Mama San last week that I was done with that big dining group perfectly adequate bullshit, I was once again booked to sup at the Dining Concepts trough yet again.  Like the cowboys said, why can’t I quit you??

brokebackquit

Service at Bread Street Kitchen was the most well-intentioned and focussed endeavour I’ve been to all year in Hong Kong, with waiter homies everywhere busting out some attentive as fuck service.  There’s also a shit tonne of kitchen homies, counting 10+ in their open kitchen.  It’s clear they’re still working shit out with some more junior homies getting drink orders wrong or looking to crack another bottle of San Pellegrino sparkling water even when bottle #1 is still sitting almost full on the table.  However, under the watchful eye of the more experienced Dining Concept waiter homies, errant orders and incorrect cocktails were quickly whisked away and shoved out of sight.  The staff have clearly been given a really fucking clear brief on what clients should expect and this was reflected in a detailed survey we filled out at the end which listed Key Performance Indicators with specific, very deliverable and measurable times of “Did the front of house staff greet you within 60 seconds?” (the answer is yes, and with bonus intense as fuck eye contact) and “Did someone check on your meal 2 minutes after serving to see if shit was all right?”.  Mr + Mrs Ain’t No Mountain High Enough had arrived earlier than most of the patrons and noted that entering the restaurant was reminiscent of their own wedding with the Bread Street staff practically forming an honour guard to welcome them enthusiastically, all that was missing were some high fives and a bride waving her bouquet at all the fucking well wishers to the strains of “Forever” by Chris Brown (well, before he physically abused Rihanna and it’s probably not that fucking kosher to use him as the song to kick your holy matrimony off to).

The decor references the London restaurant and despite the lack of tablecloths or soft furnishings, the restaurant isn’t too fucking loud and actually contributes to it having an appropriate buzz for a restaurant right in the maelstrom of the horror that can be Lan Kwai Fong.  It’s important to fucking note that the bread at Bread Street Kitchen was a FUCK YEAH which is really fucking lucky, because you can imagine the words I’d have if a restaurant which called themselves BREAD STREET, fucked that shit up.  Cocktails were also a FUCK YEAH with our waiters adeptly answering our grilling on what their favourite cocktails were (FYI, they all said it was the Memories of Yore – can you imagine how many punters would be making jokes regarding memories / drinking to them?).  Dat Trinidad Sour was a bitter fuck yeah bitch that I want to get in my life again.  But FYN homies be warned, because those expensive suckers lulled me in with their fruity and refreshing siren’s song before wrecking me across the rocks of bankruptcy and unexpectedly high costs later in the night…

Food isn’t set up to be shared but we went with the option of choosing a starter / main each and then sharing that shit.  Starters were pretty fucking good – with the non-aqueous proteins being stronger performers than their far more lack luster oceanic compatriots – the scallops didn’t taste like much at all and texturally, veered on being tough and the seared tuna carpaccio which was ok but pretty unremarkable in almost every fucking aspect.  I don’t think the seafood ingredients were of high quality enough to be players in minimalistic recipes which relies on shit being fresh as fuck.  But praise be to the glory of dat beef short rib and the Asian-style fried Tamarind chicken wings which were a sweet, sour and sticky fuck yeah.

Our choices in main may have been framed by the unsubstantiated hope that shit “could be free” so of course HK style, we attempted to maximise our potential free noms and ordered the Lobster + Macaroni & Cheese at a hefty HKD488.  The other mains were not the most inventive things I’ve ever fucking seen but were solid fuck yeahs in the ‘desirable food in a group setting’ department – crispy pork belly accompanied by a tart as fuck side of apples (HKD198 – I fucking know right, crackling, pork, blah fucking blah), a panfried ocean trout fillet with requisite crispy skin (HKD218)  and a rib eye steak with fuck yeah red wine marrow sauce (HKD338).  Everything was priced acceptably and were all fuck yeahs.  We finished everything which is always a fucking good indicator.  But one thing we can’t swallow as easily is the FUCK NO pricing of the HKD488 lobster mac & cheese.  I mean, mother fucking lobster was involved (but barely) – but it was just some mac & cheese and a relatively small fucker of a lobster chilling by the side without any real purpose or tie into the dish.  Big Papa was outraged by the lack of lobster, given its petite size (read: small as fuck).  But let’s be real, I don’t fucking care how many lucky eights you throw in the price tag, that shit is still a SEVENTY FUCKING US DOLLAR DISH.  Holy fucking shit, if you charge that much for something, shit has got to be fucking off the chain, motherfuckers.  Shit was ok, but not HKD488 ok.  I gotta be real with you, if we we knew we were definitely paying for it, we probably wouldn’t have tried it.  Lucky for you fuckers that you won’t have to spend the $$$ to make the same, overpriced mediocre $election.

For pudding, we ordered two desserts between the four of us – the sticky toffee pudding with banana and a chocolate fondant with mint ice-cream.  I’m such a fucking purist when it comes to these traditional desserts – why mess around with sticky date toffee pudding by adding banana?  It’s in the same vein of why I’ve never been to Souvla because I don’t want to get involved with a bastardised chocolate baklava.  Sticky toffee pudding was adequate but not phenomenal.  The chocolate fondant was everything you would expect it to be – chocolatey as fuck with a requisite molten liquid chocolate core.  We also went off menu and ordered four espresso martinis, reminiscing about how this simple request sent Missy Ho’s into an absolute goddamn meltdown the last time we were there.  While Bread Street Kitchen managed to produce four espresso martinis they didn’t really smash the bonus off-menu challenge, with the espresso cocktails not bringing its shit together adequately – feeling more like vodka, coffee and too much fucking sugar in a martini glass. A bit of a fucking shame, because the menu cocktails were fuck yeah performers.

The moment of truth arrived when we summoned the bill and the rumours of FREE FOOD appeared to be entirely incorrect, with our receipt devoid of any glorious 0.00 items.  We reflected upon a very hefty HKD1000 a head bill.  Fucking hell, while shit was ok, HKD1000 is just too much for what we got food wise and clearly we had a fuck no misstep on our ordering – namely, too many expensive though fuck yeah cocktails (ranging from HKD118 to HKD138 each), dat fucking outrageous HKD488 lobster mac & cheese, and some bullshit sides we ordered (FYI, mixed greens and carrots – you don’t need to pay HKD120 for that).  Because if we hadn’t fallen foul of that shit, ordered another bottle of wine to keep ourselves liquored up, we would have walked out at HKD600ish each which is fair for the night we had at Bread Street.

We then poured ourselves into the derelict hell hole that is Lan Kwai Fong kicking off on a Friday, reflecting that while the bill was so fucking large and in charge was due to the amount of liquor, we all claimed that certainly didn’t feel that we’d drunk THAT much.  But then again, I started writing this review in bed on a Friday night, typing my ass off to the dramatic as fuck strains of Bonnie Tyler (cause together we can take it to the end of the line) before I passed the fuck out, so perhaps shit was bank breaking for a goddamn reason.

Verdict:
Resist the cocktail harpies and stick to wine only, avoid crustaceous mac & cheese and aim for a bill at HKD500+ each and then we’re back in fuck yeah territory.  If you walk out with a HKD1000 bill like we did – fuck no!

4 Comments
  • maurizio
    Posted at 20:55h, 26 September Reply

    hilarious review but Ramsey was indeed in HK. I saw him myself

    • Sgt Noms
      Posted at 21:46h, 26 September Reply

      You and every food blogging asshole – my twitter was filled with a billion photos of everyone with Gordon (or as they liked to call it Gordan Ramsay). I’m still sceptical as to how much oversight they can give these restaurants given how many restaurants these chefs have open. Cheers for the comment yo.

      • Maurizio
        Posted at 16:55h, 27 September Reply

        Ha! I’m not a food blogging asshole! Maybe just an asshole :P. I just enjoy reading your stuff and sometimes and I agree other times I don’t… I’m skeptical too as the name like we have seen way too many times here, is often not enough to guarantee overall good quality of a restaurant. Anyway I actually haven’t been to Ramsey restaurant thus don’t have an opinion (not like anyone should care as there are already too many so called foodies and bloggers lurking around this city) and just wanted to let you know for the sake of getting fact right (as you seemed not sure) that he is/was around town. For all that matters. Cheers

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