Black Ant (New York, USA)

Black Ant (New York, USA)

Where:
Black Ant
60 2nd Ave (between 3rd & 4th St.)
East Village, NYC 10003
USA

Phone:
+1 (212) 598-0300 or online reservations are available here (fuck yeah, OpenTable)

Price:
USD70+ for two people, after 20% tip/tax, excluding drinks.

The deal:
It’s so fucking hard to get decent Mexican in Hong Kong, I temper that statement with the hard fucking facts that I’ve never been to Mexico, I’m not Mexican and I have no Mexican friends who are showering me with Mexican food.  But I can only assume that good Mexican food shouldn’t taste like bland mushy textures, sadness and the optional extra of bankruptcy (given the price of Mexican noms in the Kong).  We went to Black Ant because I wanted something spicy to push out the jet lag and the niggling suspicion of coming down with a cold after 15 hours of fuck no germ bag times on the plane.  Black Ant was packed and people were eating some pretty impressive looking noms.

The first thing I knew I had to get in my life was their guacamole.  Everyone knows that while I’m all aboard the Fuck Yeah, HK train that the one thing I fucking miss in the Kong is being able to buy decent fucking avocados (check my interview over at The Branded if you want to see what’s up) – this is pretty much my reaction every time I buy an avocado and I’m fucking excited that imma gonna have guacamole and then when I finally cut that fucker open, it’s inevitably a black, rotten motherfucker inside and I’m all:

nooooo

The Black Ant Guacamole (USD13) was the fuck yeah answer to my parched avocado existence, smashed up creamy beautiful avocados with orange segments, passila (a type of chilli), crispy shallots, fresh radishes and lime juice.  I wept joyous tears as I delicately shoved crispy tortilla chips into my greedy, wanting maw, only pausing to shout self-serving abuse at Mr Noms that he was messing up his guacamole to tortilla chip ratio and if he kept that up, we were going to be out of dip before tortillas.

We ordered a serve of the Tacos de Cocochas / cod cheek tacos (USD13) which looked really fucking good with its colourful slaw and microherbs but I just wasn’t feeling it.  The cod cheeks (a slice of meat taken from a cod fish jaw) just had too much fucking batter going on and the cod cheeks were too rubbery, taking on a calamari like texture.  The taco had this fuck no earthy undertone – I wasn’t sure if it was the fish or the beet sprout elements in the slaw but there was just too many fucking flavours going on that weren’t working together.  The Enchiladas de Conejo (USD24) was a spicy braised rabbit and chilacayote ragout which was ok, but again, it just seemed like a whole bunch of flavours were thrown together which should work together but shit just didn’t seem to gel together.

For dessert, we saw everyone ordering the Churros Fondue (USD10) and what’s not to love about fuck yeah deep fried cinnamon style doughnuts which you dunk in three different types of sauces (cajeta/caramalised sweet milk, orange blossom flavoured cream and salty chocolate sauce)?  It was FUCK YEAH dessert times.

However, the best fuck yeah moment of the whole meal (apart from dat guacamole) was listening to the Class A1 wanker at the table next to us (and the Black Ant is noisy as fuck and you are crammed together, so we got front row seats to the show) who was telling his lady friend how he pretty much knew everything, ever, from how to seat people at a wedding, why people ate grasshoppers (high protein content which made them perfect carriers for flavours…not because cows are in short supply in any of those grasshopper countries) and then even punctuated an opinion with repeating “I AM AN ENTREPRENEUR” four times in one minute (not even fucking exaggerating).

Anyway, I’m on fucking holidays and I’m already feeling the arduous as fuck toil of writing about NYC NOMAGEDDON so fuck writing some meaningful and well constructed conclusion and check this graph I made of my meal at Black Ant in lieu of a proper summary:

blackantchart

Verdict:
Shit wasn’t terrible – but no dice for a recommendation/return unless you’re going for the guacamole only.  Fuck no.

9 Comments
  • Jen
    Posted at 12:22h, 24 September Reply

    There are usually some fuck yeah avocados to be found in the markets in Central, the one on Graham street and around it, and a bonus fuck yeah supply of good limes, if you’re ever up for having another go at making guacamole. Also, because I am an entrepreneur, I would like to point out the phrase ‘delicately shoved’, just to keep this fuck yeah blog in its fuck yeah zone and OUT of the fuck no world described in your how to be a successful blogger part 1. I am telling you this out of lots of fuck yeah love for the blog and because I am an entrepreneur.

    How the fuck could he fit that four times in a minute?

    • Sgt Noms
      Posted at 18:55h, 24 September Reply

      You are shit hot eagled eyed – I used it on purpose, I didn’t think anyone would pick it up. Dainty evisceration is the name of the game.

      Thanks for the red hot tip on the Graham Street avos, will get my non-entrepreneurial ass up there at some point (but I tend to shop in the non-Central wet markets)

      • Jen
        Posted at 15:00h, 27 September Reply

        Fuck yeah, I had faith in you. Non-Central wet markets are alright but I guess the ones in Central/Wan Chai are better suited for avocado-hunting expats.

  • waterfallsandcaribous
    Posted at 13:24h, 24 September Reply

    A big fat fuck yeah on the graph. Love it. However – and I’ve been willing to overlook this until now – with your intense hatred of all things Blog-Wank how on earth are you justifying use of the word ‘nom’?! I could ignore it by not looking at the top of the screen but when it’s in the body of the review itself, I want to weep. Nom = fuck HELL no.

    • Sgt Noms
      Posted at 18:54h, 24 September Reply

      My blog is fucking called fuck yeah noms – I can’t stop it can I?!

      • Sgt Noms
        Posted at 18:56h, 24 September Reply

        ps. My name is Sgt Noms. I’m having a goddamn existential noms related crisis now.

        • waterfallsandcaribous
          Posted at 07:57h, 25 September Reply

          Haha sorry to fuck with you. We can just write it off to some kind of irony…kinda like blind ass Korean hipsters wearing lens-less glasses over their contact lenses…that work for you?!

          • Sgt Noms
            Posted at 05:54h, 26 September

            Dunno, I think you’ve irreparably hurt my goddamn muse. Going to drink an earl tea infused cocktail out of a mason jar to make me feel better.

  • waterfallsandcaribous
    Posted at 11:23h, 26 September Reply

    With that comment I know everything will be alright. Phew. Don’t forget to instagram the shit outta the mason jar.

Fuck yeah or fuck no?

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