About FYN

About FYN

Why write a food blog when you fucking hate most food blogs?  Because I love the nom nom nom but I hate the food wank that exists now.  I got fucking tired of trying to figure out if a restaurant was any good and coming across gushing, polite food blogs that still give terrible places fairly decent write ups (instead of saying ‘THIS PLACE WAS FUCKED, DO NOT GO EVER’).  Usually because most of these food bloggers are in on the game and are getting plied with free food and booze, and they’re too fucking scared they’re gonna fall off the junket carousel if they start telling the goddamn truth.

I live in Hong Kong, which is one of the best places for eating out – even if it drives me crazy that everyone wants to whatsapp / instagram their way through every dinner.  I hate going to dinner and watching people incessantly take photos of the food instead of enjoying the food and the company of their friends.  That’s why FUCK YEAH NOMS doesn’t have any fucking photos – I’m sure you can figure out what a goddamn garden salad looks like without my fucking help.

So the premise of FUCK YEAH NOMS is when you’re somewhere, if you had to answer the question – ‘Would you go back?’, would you say FUCK YEAH or FUCK NO?  No bullshit 6.3/10 ratings or 4 kisses out of 5.  There’s no need to be a goddamn, pretentious as fuck douchebag and use a metric fuckton of verbose, unnecessary adjectives.  After all, It’s just fucking food – lighten up and put the fucking thesaurus down, all you food blogging assholes.

Yours in nom,

Sgt Noms.



Contact:
nomnomnom at fuckyeahnoms dot com

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Words I have decided will be forbidden on FUCK YEAH NOMS:

  • Bon vivant (just code for a greedy cunt that likes to party)
  • Cheeky
  • Creamy indulgence
  • Crème de la crème
  • Delectable
  • Deliciousness
  • Delightful
  • Dollop
  • Down-to-earth
  • Epicurean / epicure (you like to eat good shit, I GET IT)
  • Fabulous and all of its variations (Fab, just fabulous or the completely heinous fantabulous)
  • Flavours that shine through – unless flavours were truly incandescent, not acceptable
  • Food heaven
  • Foodie – even worse than a ‘foodie’ – a ‘self confessed foodie’
  • Food orgasm – was your food having an orgasm or were you literally having an orgasm?  Do you realise how embarassing you sound?
  • Food porn – only acceptable if food is actually being used for pornographic purposes
  • Gastronome / Gastronomist (aka welcome to ratemyself.com)
  • Indulgent / indulgence
  • Ingredients speak for themselves (only ok if ingredients are vocalising shit – ie. live animal’s head)
  • Lovely
  • Melt in your mouth
  • Methinks
  • Morsels
  • Mouth feel
  • Mouthgasm
  • Oh so delicious – Y U USE OH SO?  I much prefer “delicious as fuck”
  • “Officially obsessed” – officially declared by who?! The power of yourself?! Isn’t everything you say then OFFICIAL?
  • People who ‘delve’ into a dish
  • Pillowy – what, were they like breasts??
  • Pleasant
  • Resto – Y U NO USE RESTAURANT
  • Scando – NO REALLY, I saw someone use this for Scandinavian
  • Scrummy
  • Scrumptious
  • Smitten
  • Tad
  • Tempting
  • To die for – were you really fucking willing to die for a mackerel fillet?
  • Treat (‘a motherfucking treat’ is permitted)
  • Welcoming
  • Yummy
  • ‘Worth every penny’ – may be acceptable if you live in a country which still uses pennies.  Maybe.  Probably not.
  • To anyone, EVER using the word ‘unctuous’ as a positive thing – have you looked up what this definition means? Why are your egg yolks always so damn unctuous?
  • Any form of bacon wank
  • Any form of pork belly wank (I get it, there was pig, the skin was crispy, it was melt in your mouth – no fucking shit, it’s pork belly)
  • Any references to being so full or bursting that you are not sure if you can fit in dessert (refer title)
  • Any references to something being “like crack” (only acceptable if author has actually used crack, otherwise HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW?)

 

FUCK NO!!